Just Call Me Bella
by ocdmess
Summary: "To work her way through college, Bella Swan takes a job as a phone sex operator. One night an upset, drunk man calls. When he keeps calling, night after night, she starts to grow attached. Soon she has to decide: is he worth breaking the golden rule?" - fluffy angst and the promise of adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I guess twific couldn't keep me away forever.

This is nothing short of an experiment of mine. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and entering the scary world of... who the hell knows. This fic will contain "adult situations" (you all know what I'm talking about), and those of you who have read any of my earlier works know that I'm not usually "that" kind of writer. But as I said, I'm trying it out. I want to grow as a writer, I need to learn writing stuff I'm not entirely comfortable with.

How else am I supposed to grow, am I right?

So, with all that said. This is my experiment, we'll see where it leads us.

Please let me know what you think. Your feedback is my drug.

_Thanks_!

* * *

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 1 – "**_**Rubber Boots & Diapers**_**"**

"... do you have them on? The rubber boots? What color are they? I like them black... or forrest green."

"They're forrest green with black trim..."

"Mmm... I like that."

I didn't shudder. I didn't make a face of disgust. One would probably think I at the very least rolled my eyes, but I didn't. This was my job and this was (believe it or not) one of the better ones, which was sad considering the situation. I was a phone sex operator, I made good money by letting people tell me all about their fetishes. It was getting me through college, as well as letting me buy nice shoes from time to time – although, I wasn't going to buy rubber boots any time soon.

_Life wasn't all that bad_.

The man kept asking me about how the boots felt on my feet, and I did my best answering and pretending I enjoyed the feeling, the texture and the rubber. I had been doing this for the past three months, and it had already become second nature. I wasn't disgusted by the people who called these kinds of numbers, and I wasn't disgusted when they chose to talk to girl number three, Bella Mia. For most part, these were just lonely men who wanted someone to talk to… and maybe get off while doing it. Normal men… _for the most part_.

The man began panting in my ear, it was evident what was to come… _or who_. He groaned as he came and a small part of me sighed in relief. This was the last call I was taking tonight, and I was ready to go to bed. The man didn't even say goodbye after he came, he just hung up. Most of them did. He had gotten what he called for, why spend more money on pointless pleasantries?

With a yawn, I did the usual routine by disabling my name from the call center, so people couldn't chose "Bella Mia" anymore.

I brushed my teeth before climbing into bed, my alarm clock alerted me to the fact that it was already after 1 AM. I sighed again. the man had talked about rubber boots for well over an hour. Now I would barely get any sleep at all before I had to get up at six. In a few hours I had to go back to being the daytime me – the college student.

_If my friends only knew_…

O

I plopped down on a chair at my favorite café and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God," I said, grabbing the small cup of Espresso that my friend Alice had already ordered for me.

"You're welcome," she chimed, all smiles as always. "I figured you needed a boost by the corpse look you were sporting earlier. Haven't anyone told you that vampires are so last year?"

"So tell me, Miss Fashion Police, what _is_ in this year?" I asked, amused.

"I'm glad you asked, Miss Swan," she replied, taking a sip of her milkshake. "This spring you'd want-"

"- to screw fashion and buy second hand." Enter Rosalie, the girl who always seized the opportunity to make fun of our fashion obsessed friend. I laughed. Alice glared. Rosalie just smiled in satisfaction as she sat down.

"Excuse me for wanting the world to look beautiful," Alice said, huffing. She was a fashion major, her dream was to become a designer. I had never met anyone more determined than she was, I envied her for that. This was also the very reason why Rosalie was comfortable making fun of Alice for it, because we both knew Alice didn't mind. She knew what she wanted out of life, and that was more than you could say about some of us.

I sighed, yawning despite of the caffeine which was currently making its way through my system. Thank god for the invention of espresso.

"So girls, what do you say about partying tonight? Emmett's cousin is in town and wants to show him around," Rosalie said.

"Can't," Alice replied. "I have to prepare my piece for next week's practical exam. Ask Jasper, I'm sure he'd like to go."

"How 'bout you?" Rosalie turned to me, quirking an eyebrow in question. I shook my head.

"Can't. Studies."

"God, you girls are so lame. I'm glad I'm only taking easy classes this semester, I wouldn't able to deal with all the stress."

"Which is why you're the only one ending up without a degree," Alice said with a sweet smile.

"Doesn't matter," Rosalie replied. "When Emmett gets his high-end job, all I need to do is stay at home, take care of the house and shoot babies out of my vajayjay. Piece of cake. Dreamlife. Boom."

"You should have been born in the fifties, I swear to God. You're a disgrace to women everywhere," Alice said, shaking her head in disapproval.

"Maybe you guys just have different views on the perfect life," I said, trying to break up the fight I knew was coming, if this conversation continued in this direction. _It wouldn't be the first time._

"What the hell do you know?" Rosalie asked, irritated at me now. "You haven't gotten laid in months."

"As if that has anything to do with anything," I said, rolling my eyes. Whenever Rosalie pointed her frustration from Alice to me, I knew everything was alright. Sometimes, hanging out with these two girls was like hanging out with a powder keg. You never knew what spark would set it off. It made life exciting.

"Maybe we can hang this weekend," I suggested, after a moment. "I could use a night out."

"I know just the place," Rosalie said. "Friday night at eight. I'll pick both of you girls up, and you better be prepared for the night of your lives."

Alice and I shared a look, smiled and turned to Rosalie. "Deal."

O

"This is Bella Mia, who's this?" I asked, my voice sultry but not in an overdone way.

"My name- this is E- … dude…" The man on the other line was stuttering, but there was also quite the possibility that he was drunk. Or maybe he was simply confused.

"Dude?" I asked, laughing the light laugh I had been taught customers liked. My goal was always to keep them on the line for as long as possible, the conversation didn't have to make any sense and it didn't have to be worth his penny in the end. He'll have to pay whether he liked it or not, it was his job to make it worth his while, not mine. Not technically anyway.

"Yeah, call me… call me Dude," he replied with a deep sigh.

"So how's your evening tonight, Dude?" I asked.

"A fuckway to hell," he muttered. "You know what? Girls fucking suck!"

I giggled. "Yeah, we're known to do that from time to time. But some of us are better than others," I said, even though I knew that wasn't what he was referring too. He seemed annoyed.

"So this girl…" He paused, followed by the unmistakable sound of him drinking. "… was all 'hey, I'm too good for you' and it's like… as soon as you have a brain, it doesn't matter what you do. You're fucking screwed anyway."

I had no giggle for that. I didn't have a response to that at all. It was one thing if old men called and talked about their dead wives, and then told me how they liked things done, it was quite another to just have someone complain about girls as if I was his friend.

"Maybe you just haven't found the right one?" I asked, carefully.

"There is no right one! You girls all want the same thing! A dumb jackass who'll give you stuff for free for just having a vagina! As soon as a guy let's you know he's not gonna buy you drinks all night for something that ain't gonna happen, you're gone." He was quite for few moments, the light sound of him drinking was the only thing I heard.

"Say that you got me, without having to pay me drinks… what would you like to do?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation into a territory I was more comfortable with – or at least more used to. The company policy said, however, that I wasn't allowed to initiate the sex-talk, I was only allowed to 'go along with it' if the customer said something. But steering him into that direction couldn't be against the rules, right?

"I'd like to watch you," he said, his voice low. "Just watch you."

"What would I be doing then?" I asked, lowering my voice too, hoping it sounded seductive.

He was quiet.

"You'd be touching yourself… showing me your body. Then I'd have you stand on all fours..."

"Uh-huh… tell me more."

"Then I'd maybe spank you a little…"

"Uh-huh…"

"I'd have to punish you for being a bad girl..."

"Uh-huh…"

"And then I'd have to put a diaper on you, because you're not potty-trained yet, of course."

_Wait, what_?

The words stuck in my mouth. The man on the line sensed my hesitation, took a drink and chuckled.

"Just kidding," he said. "But I bet you get that a lot."

"More often than I would like to admit, yes," I said, feeling oddly relieved.

"I'm sorry. But I didn't call to get off, I called to… I have no idea. The number to the line was on the page in the paper in front of me, and I was too frustrated to be alone."

"Well, as the add says, we're here to please your every need," I said, smiling.

"You have a pleasant voice," he said, sounding content – and drunk.

"Yeah, thanks," I said, rolling my eyes in amusement.

"So tell me, Bella Mia, what are you wearing?" he asked.

"The truth or the lie?"

"The truth, of course…"

"Well, my black lace bra isn't leaving much for your imagination…"

He snorted. "As if. I bet you're wearing sweats and a t-shirt."

"Almost, PJ's and a tank top."

He laughed.

"So much for the truth, ey?"

"One man's lie is another woman's truth."

"Is your name really Bella Mia?"

"Is your name really Dude?"

"Touché. So what can I call you?"

"Just call me Bella."


	2. Chapter 2

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 2 – "**_**Chauvinistic Pig**_**"**

"No, Dad, I'm fine," I said, sighing.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to survive on noodles and water," he said. "I can send you some money. You looked so thin last time I saw you."

"I'm fine, I promise."

"Have you found a job?"

"No, but I'm looking," I lied.

"Oh, okay, but let me know if you need money. I know how expensive being a student can be."

"I'll be fine," I assured him.

"Will you be coming home for Christmas?"

I sighed. "It's two months away, so I don't know. Probably."

"Oh, okay," he mumbled, huffing and letting me know he wasn't very happy.

Dad was devastated the day I left Forks and he was basically all alone now with nobody taking care of him. Now, he felt lost and by offering me money all the time, I bet it was his way to feel needed. Poor Dad.

Our conversations were short at best, and I sighed when I hung up. It wasn't like I missed Forks or anything, or missed having to clean up after my dad, but my existence had been so uncomplicated back then. I felt like I was living a lie nowadays, because I couldn't be completely honest with my dad or my friends. Dad wasn't the only one asking me about a job, even Alice was starting to question me – she thought I was treating myself to too much stuff without actually having the money… or so she thought anyway. She didn't know I had a job that paid well, and I wasn't about to tell her. I guess she had to continue her theorizing, wondering if maybe I was some heiress in disguise. Maybe I was the princess of the unknown country of Volterra… or maybe not.

I got back to my books, but not before signing in on the line. Every now and again, I stared at the phone, willing it to ring. I needed a valid excuse to ignore the assignment I was currently working on. Or trying to work on. Or actively trying to avoid working on. All different levels of procrastination, whichever way you chose to look at it. Even the call from Dad had been a welcome excuse.

Sometimes, the nights were slow. It was rare, but every once in a while, men simply didn't care to talk to innocent Bella Mia. Sometimes Tantalizing Tanya or even Jazzy Jessy were more tempting. This aggravated me tonight, because I needed the money.

My phone made a noise and I scrambled to get it, almost dropping it on the floor in the process. I sighed in disappointment; it was only a text from Alice, reminding me about us partying tomorrow. I stared at my books, sighing in defeat. Please, somebody, save me…

The next moment, my phone rang and it wasn't a friend or my dad, and when the call was put through, I put on my best show. The man wanted a naughty school girl, a classic I had grown accustomed to. I did what I was told, moaning the way he liked it. When the call ended, I was lucky since I didn't have to wait long between the next callers. Two hours went by and I did some quick math on whether or not the calls had paid for my dinner yet.

Rosalie had suggested we'd all go out for dinner as well, before going out partying tomorrow. Due to this, the money I had saved for my next course's literature, I would now have to spend on one of the most expensive restaurant in Seattle. It wasn't a problem, not at all, considering I made that kind of money in just a few short days, but still… it complicated my schedule. There was nothing I hated more than unplanned expenses, even though they ended up worth it in the end. Before I got this job, Alice and Rosalie (sometimes even Emmett) had paid for my meals whenever we went somewhere really expensive, because they all had the funds for it. It felt nice providing for myself for once, which was why I never argued anymore whenever they picked a fancier place. So I liked keeping track of missed minutes during my sessions; a missed minute equaled a missed dollar. On a good night, I often made well over one hundred and fifty dollars, once I even passed the two hundred mark. Doing this a few times a week made the money pile up rather quickly. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't become somewhat of an addiction. Just sitting on my ass, watching TV on a low volume while having a guy panting in your ear. Why would I be complaining? It was the easiest money I'd ever made.

My current caller was what I'd like to call "vanilla" – he had no weird fetishes, he just wanted me to tell him what I looked like, what I had on and how big his dick was. I'd tell him how I was touching myself, imagining it was him and how much I enjoyed it. Standard stuff.

After seven minutes, he hung up. The only out of the ordinary with his call was that he sounded like a mountain goat as he came. I hadn't been prepared for that, so I almost laughed in his ear. I wasn't on top of my game today, that much was clear. Something was off with me, but I didn't know why. When my shift ended a few hours later, I had managed to get a total of eighty seven minutes. A slow night, indeed, but I guessed my meal was paid for now.

I promised myself I would finish the assignment tomorrow morning, since I only had an afternoon class. As I put myself to bed, I wondered what my friends would say if they found out about my job. Would they be surprised? Most definitely. Would they be judging me? Probably not. They sometimes made fun of me for being so virginal, probably because I didn't like discussing sex – nothing made me more uncomfortable than hearing about what Jasper did to Alice in the bedroom… or in the kitchen. I shuddered. Some things were better left unsaid, I had no interest in knowing about them. Which was probably why they all thought I was still a virgin. Also, this was one of the reasons I didn't want to let them know about my job – this way I knew I wasn't all that innocent and virginal as they thought… I had a kinky secret.

And I liked it.

O

"I hate you," I said, glaring at Alice while I was leaning on Rosalie for support. "Why do I always let you talk me into stuff? Your puppy dog eyes are gifts from the Devil."

"I'm sorry," Alice said softly, obviously embarrassed. She was currently looking at my shoe, assessing the damage. "I wanted to see if I could do shoes, apparently not. I did everything like the instructor said, I don't get why the heel broke."

It was the night of the big night out and Alice had asked if I could wear one of the shoes she made for class, with the promise of them being comfortable. The surprising thing was: they were. Since I was usually the sneakers kind of girl, wearing four inch heels wasn't really a common occurrence, and therefore, I was rarely comfortable wearing them. But Alice was good, she made comfortable shoes – too bad the quality didn't hold up as well.

"Take off the other one," Alice said and I handed it to her with a sigh. Now I was standing on the dirty sidewalk in nothing but thin socks on my feet. Awesome.

I gasped when Alice broke the other heel as well.

"What the hell, Al? What am I supposed to wear now?" I asked.

"Trust me," she said, squeezing and twisting the shoes before handing them back to me. "There's a reason why they're shaped as ballerina shoes."

I put them back on, surprised to notice that as long as nobody looked down at my feet, I'd be alright. At least I had shoes now.

"Great," I muttered as we rounded the corner to the restaurant.

The guys were already waiting for us outside.

"Looking good, B," Emmett said, grinning widely as usual. "Although you walk like a penguin."

I guess it was noticeable then. Damn it.

"Blame it on Miss Project Runway. Her fault, not mine," I said, glaring at Alice yet again.

"I said I was sorry. Get over it," she shot back, before escaping into the arms of her beloved.

Emmett told us his cousin was going to be late, but he would catch up with us later, so we all headed inside. Rosalie had, as always, picked the perfect spot. The restaurant was warm and cozy, perfect for dinner with friends – and not only for couples on a double date with one single as a chaperone. I was used to this, though, so I wasn't complaining. Besides, my friends were good at including me in their conversations, they never made me feel like the fifth wheel, even though I probably were most of the times.

"Tell us about the famous cousin, Emmett," Alice said eagerly, as we waited for our orders. "We need all the dirty deets before he gets here."

"Oh, I don't know," Emmett said, shrugging. "He's all into music and stuff. My mom says he's a genius on the piano, like Michelangelo type of genius."

"He was a painter," Jasper corrected him. "Maybe you're thinking about Mozart."

"Isn't that a dessert?" Emmett asked, confused.

"Oh dear God," Rosalie said, face-palming.

Emmett looked at her, shrugging again before continuing. "Anyway, he's awesome. He's like the shyest guy ever, but he's cool. He's really smart. He should be on Jeopardy or something."

Alice looked at me. "He sounds like the perfect guy for you, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not looking for a boyfriend, but thank you for considering me," I said, sarcastically. Leave it to my friends to think the perfect guy for me was the shyest guy on earth, who was some kind of musical genius. With my luck, he probably had a face full of pimples as well with glasses that kept slipping down on his nose. I was generally not a shallow person, but still… this wasn't the first time I had to endure this.

I ordered in another glass of my new favorite (very expensive) wine, and Rosalie took notice.

"Are we celebrating something?" she asked.

I looked at her.

"No, why?"

"Because you just ordered the third most expensive wine on the menu – again."

"Well excuse me, I didn't know there was a price limit for me," I said, offended.

"I didn't mean to insult you," she protested. "You're just the one who's usually complaining you can't afford things… I'm just surprised is all. Have you gotten a job or something?"

I shook my head. "Nope, no job." A calling, I thought, smirking inwardly at my stupid joke as I enjoyed my ridiculously expensive wine. I was going to enjoy myself tonight.

I could afford it.

O

While the other's danced their night away, I sat in a booth trying out every drink on the menu. Yes, I was bored, and drinking was always a good way to deal with it. As I studied the menu, trying to chose which drink to try out next, I got the feeling that someone was watching me. I looked up, locking eyes with the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

A man was standing by the bar, across the room, people kept dancing and walking between us, getting in the way, but I barely even noticed. All I saw was the guy. The man. Wow.

Dressed in a pair of jeans, a light button up shirt and a black suit jacket, the man drank from a bottle of beer. His gaze was intense, in the light of the club, his eyes almost looked green, but I couldn't be sure, due to the distance. His hair was a brownish bronze color, disheveled and wild. Absolutely gorgeous. Why was he looking at me?

He smiled as he took another sip of his drink, then slowly made his way toward me through the crowd. I swallowed thickly, noticing that his step was a little off… all nervousness left my body as I realized the man was drunk. No, correction: the man was wasted.

"Hey beautiful," he said, slipping into the booth. "I couldn't help but notice you from across the room."

I forced a smile at him. I wasn't even close to being drunk enough to deal with him. I was at least four drinks away before I could tolerate a drunk-beyond-measure guy hitting on me.

"I'm not going to buy you a drink, because I figured I'll just…" He took another deep drink from his bottle. "… get right to the chase. You're beautiful, let's go to my place."

I looked at him incredulously.

"Is this what flirting has come to?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow. "Talk about being straight forward. Sorry man, but I'm not that easy."

Something darkened in his eyes.

"What do you expect from me then?" he asked, irritated. "You expect me to buy everything off the menu for you? Maybe even buy you a diamond necklace before you give me the light of day?" He threw the menu at me, and I gaped at him.

"What the hell," I shrieked in anger. "Sorry for being a little more traditional, hoping for some kind of flirting and maybe have your name before jumping into bed with you!"

He snorted, looking away from me as if he didn't care, but I could tell that he did. His eyes were sad, and his jaw was shaking slightly. What was his problem?

Right then, I saw my friends making their way through the crowd towards my booth. Emmett was grinning from ear to ear when he spotted us.

"Great," Emmett said. "I guess you've already met my cousin."

I gaped at him. "Your what?"

"This is Edward, my cousin. I told you he was coming later," Emmett said.

I looked at Edward, who was silently staring down at his lap, picking at the label of his bottle. So this was Emmett's cousin? No pimples or glasses, but still an attitude that sucked worse than anything I'd ever encountered.

"I guess he forgot to introduce himself," I said, my eyes still on Edward. I held out my hand. "I'm Bella."

He didn't even look up at me, a light blush was creeping up his neck. I almost felt bad for the guy. Didn't Emmett say he was the shyest guy on earth? He sure didn't act like it. Until now.

"Nice to me you too," he said quietly, his words almost disappearing in the beat of the music. I stared at him until he finally looked up and met my gaze. The dude was a sad drunk, but his eyes really were magnificent.

Too bad he didn't have the personality to match it.

O

The next day, I spent my time in front of the TV, with my phone next to me, waiting for it to ring. I usually didn't work on Saturdays, but I had nothing better to do. I was hungover, and I wasn't planning on going anywhere anyway.

I was halfway through my chicken noodles when my phone rang at four p.m. I swallowed and drank some water, before answering, letting the call through.

"This is Bella Mia," I said, my voice soft.

"I… I don't know if you remember me… I'm… my name… eh… Dude," he stuttered.

I raised an eyebrow, there was something familiar with his voice and his words, and it took me a moment before I remembered. I guess the difference today was that his voice wasn't laced with drunken slurs, like when he called a few days ago.

"Nice hearing from you again, Dude," I said.

"I need some advice," he said quietly. He didn't appear as self-confident as last time he called, maybe the alcohol made him brave.

"So you decided to call me? I'm flattered," I said, faking a giggle.

"Don't patronize me," he said, mumbling.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't."

"Whatever," he said. He was quiet for so long, I almost thought he'd hung up. "Girls suck."

"Yeah, I remember you telling me that the last time. What's bothering you now?" I asked, wondering why the guy didn't simply call a real helpline instead of an expensive sex hotline.

"I just moved to town, my cousin took me out last night and I… fuck," he said, his voice so quiet I barely heard him.

"What can I do to help you, baby?" I said, hating the tone of my voice. I guess I was kind of condescending…

"I think I met the girl of my dreams last night," he said, fortunately not taking note of my tone. "I think I insulted her and I want to know how to make things right."

"Oh," I said. "I don't know how I can help you with that…"

"You're a girl, you should know what girls like." He sounded so sure, as if all girls were the same. This meant he was either very inexperienced with girls, or he was simply just a freaking chauvinistic pig. I wanted to vote for the former, because why would a chauvinistic pig call a sex hotline for advice?

"Can't you ask a friend for advice? Someone who knows you?"

"No, they wouldn't understand… I don't… they'd all laugh."

"Are you sure? Friends are supposed to be there for you…"

"The only friend I have in this town is my cousin, and he wouldn't be much help, because it's his friend I like.."

An uneasy knot was forming in my belly, something wasn't right.

"Wh-what's your name, Dude?" I asked, my voice shaking as if I was afraid of the answer.

He was quiet for a moment, my heart beating hard in my chest.

"I got to go."

The line went dead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 3 – "**_**Can I Call You?**_**"**

I stared at the phone, just shaking my head. One of the most important rules of a PSO was to never ask a client for their name; there was simply no need for you to know. Why did I ask Dude about his name? Did I really think he was Emmett's cousin? Yeah right, as if Edward was the only guy who had recently moved to Seattle, with his only friend being his cousin. _C'mon, Bella, don't be such an idiot_.

I tried remembering Edward's voice from the club, but there was no use. Seeing as he had been forced to talk quiet loudly to make himself heard, and Dude on the phone spoke softly, there was no way of knowing if they were the same guy. Besides, how easy was it to recognize a voice you've only heard a couple of times? I was jumping to ridiculous conclusions, maybe I was just hoping that Emmett's cousin had some redeeming qualities.

_This is what I get for always thinking the best of people all the time_.

I thought about the first conversation I had with Dude – he'd been nice, even making jokes as soon as he got to let off some of his bottled up steam, and the second time he called, he wanted girl advice. There was no chance in hell he and Edward was the same guy. Edward was flat out mean, a womanizer without abandon. Why would he need girl advice? I got the impression that he already thought of himself to be God's gift to humanity… or at least to the female population.

I shook my head at myself, groaning out loud in frustration. Why did I even consider the possibility? This was ridiculous. I had just lost a potential regular customer, just because I was being a little over-dramatic.

Edward and Dude was not the same person. _Period_.

O

It was snowing in Seattle, letting us know that winter was here. So far November had only been chilly at best, I was surprised it hadn't started snowing earlier. The stores had already started decorating their windows and displays for the holidays, and I got that warm and fuzzy feeling. It was a nice day.

Days like this made me forget I was a freshman at college, instead I was a kid, trying to catch a snowflake with my tongue. Everything was so easy when you were a kid, you didn't have to worry about relationships or having to make money in order to get through college, all you had to do was throw some snowballs and hope you hit someone before they hit you.

"Looking sophisticated as always."

I turned around, smiling in embarrassment when I spotted Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie was hugging Emmett's arm and shaking her head at me.

"It's snowing, I couldn't help it. Snow makes me happy," I said, shrugging.

"So you decided to stick out your tongue at it? Not very nice," Emmett said.

"I was catching snowflakes, dumbass," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Because you're ten years old…" The voice came from behind them, and that was when I spotted Edward. He looked bored and his eyes darted everywhere but at me.

"No, because I have the ability to appreciate the small things in life," I replied, my voice sickly sweet.

"He's been in a bad mood all day," Rosalie said, glaring at Edward. "He's seriously starting to piss me off."

"I _apologize_," Edward mumbled, making it sound sarcastic. He didn't look sorry at all.

"What the hell is your problem?" Rosalie snapped. "Why can't you just behave like a normal fucking person? Geez!"

I flinched in surprise, trying to make sense of the situation. Emmett was staring at the ground, looking hurt, and Edward was ignoring Rosalie with a blank look on his face. Usually, Rosalie wasn't one to snap like that; Edward must really have been pushing her buttons for a while now, in order to evoke such a reaction from her.

She took a deep breath, and turned to me.

"We're going to grab something to eat, wanna come?" she asked, her voice soft but strained. Her smile was forced.

"I… I don't know… I was just heading home and-"

"Please!" she interrupted me, her eyes desperate.

"Yeah, okay," I said, appeasing her. She sighed and I could see her shoulders relax. I wondered if I was going to regret this.

I tried keeping up a conversation with them as walked, but none of them seemed to be up for it. Edward had obviously put a real dent in their day, even Emmett was subdued. I guess Edward was like a black hole – sucking all the light and life out of people. Maybe he was in Seattle because Chicago didn't want him anymore.

Eventually we found a place to eat. We sat in a booth, and I had Rosalie next to me. Edward sat in front of me, staring down at his menu as if trying to make it burst into flames. The guy was nothing if not intense. After we had made our orders, Edward excused himself and went to the bathroom. As soon as he was gone, Rosalie relaxed noticeably.

"Thank God," she said. "I don't know how long I can take this anymore."

"What's up with him?" I asked.

"It's not his fault," Emmett insisted. "He's in a bad place right now, and he has a habit of taking it out on other people. He just need to get over his shit, and then you'll love him just as much as I do."

"Really? I highly doubt that," Rosalie said, snorting.

"Please, Rose, just give him some time," he said, softly. She looked away, ignoring him. He wasn't going to change her mind.

"What's he going through?" I asked, even though it wasn't my place to ask.

Emmett looked over his shoulder, toward the bathroom, making sure Edward wasn't near. Then he turned to us, leaning forward.

"He got dumped. Real bad. His girlfriend was the bitchiest bitch that ever lived, and she crushed him like a bug. They were together for five freaking years!"

"Five years? How old is he?" I asked, confused.

"He turned twenty in June."

"Wow, a five year relationship at that age, that's impressive," I admitted.

"Yeah, so you can imagine what they went through together. He basically hit puberty with her. So of course he's all lost now and completely socially handicapped. He needs our help, which is why I invited him to stay with me, so we can reprogram him into a human being again."

"Huh," was all I said, as I slumped in my seat.

When Edward came back, we were back in Awkward City. Rosalie refused to talk, and Emmett tried keeping up conversation by telling Edward about me and me about Edward.

"Did you know Bella's dad's a cop?" Emmett asked with his mouth full of food.

Edward gave him a look.

"How would I know?" Edward asked with a tone that suggested Emmett was a complete idiot, then turned to me. "Did he ever have a reason to arrest you?"

"No."

"Good." I raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "So you're an English lit major," he continued. "Is it Daddy Cop who pays for your degree in _nothing_?"

I gaped at him. "Excuse me?"

"We all know a degree in English lit won't get you anywhere. Economics and engineering, or law or anything else, basically, are better choices for a well-paid job."

"Well, maybe I'm not looking for a well-paid job? Maybe I'm just looking to do something I love? Maybe my dream is to work as an editor or a journalist or something, and as far as I know, there are loads of people with degrees in English lit that makes more money than someone with a degree in economics or whatever." He rolled his eyes at me. "But to answer your question, _no_, my father is _not_ paying for my education. Thank you very much."

He snorted and took a drink of his beer. Why was he being so rude? I could see why he was dumped, if this was the kind of crap his girlfriend had to endure every day for five years straight.

"I guess you have a job then, good for you," he said, off-handedly.

I clenched my jaw. I didn't want to waste a lie on him, telling him I didn't have job even though I did. That would be opening another can of worms, and I was done with those. Talking with Edward felt like walking on a mine field; you never knew when you would be blown to hell.

I really tried seeing some redeeming qualities in him, but I barely saw any. But the more we talked, the more he attacked me, and the more obvious it became that he was one of the most insecure people I had ever met. As soon as I said something that had any relation to me making my own choices, he attacked. As if a woman wasn't allowed to make their own decisions. Did this fact offend him?

"What did you do in Chicago then?" I asked, my voice calm. "Nothing important, I bet, since you could just up and leave like that."

"I'm studying medicine. I'm going to be a surgeon, just like my dad."

"And you don't think it's kind of irresponsible to take a break in such_ serious_ studies?" I mocked.

"That's none of your business."

"Oh, it's not? But you think it's _your_ business who pays for _my_ education? Who pays for yours, huh? Daddy Doctor or Mommy Housewife?"

His eyes flashed with anger, his jaw tensing.

"My mom is not a housewife!"

"I bet you have a trust fund, right? You never have to worry about money, ever."

"You know nothing about me," he growled, his lip quivering in anger. He quickly slid out of the booth, throwing a look at Emmett. "Thank you, Em, but I think I'm going home now."

And with that. He left.

I stared at his back until he was out of sight, and then I slowly turned to Emmett.

"Are you sure _this_ guy really is _that_ awesome?" I asked dubiously. "And which bone in his body is shy exactly? He behaves more like a drama queen to me."

"I'm sorry, B, seriously, I've never seen him act like that. I have no fucking clue what got him so riled up," Emmett said, sounding just as surprised as I was angry.

"Maybe he should get his shit together. You should tell him to stop bashing your friends for having dreams, it's not Bella's fault that he's a mess," Rosalie said. "No wonder his ex dumped him. Fucking asshole."

Emmett looked down at his plate, fidgeting with his utensils. I didn't know what got him more upset, Edward's behavior or Rosalie's complaining. I felt sorry for Emmett for being stuck in the middle. It wasn't his fault his cousin was a jerk.

I couldn't wait to get home. Listening to a man groan in my ear was better than to endure another minute of this crap.

O

"Your cock is so big, baby," I cooed. "The biggest…"

I rolled my eyes at myself. Not even this could get my thoughts off the miserable lunch. Everything coming out of my mouth sounded so fake. Did my customers notice?

"Uuuuuh, fuuuuuck, I'm coming," the man groaned.

_I guess not._

When the man hung up, I was tempted to just sign off for the day. I wasn't in the mood for this. I could lose potential regulars if I wasn't doing my best, and it was clear that today wasn't a day where I could do my best.

I decided to take one last call, just to make it an even fifty dollars.

A few moments later, a new call was put through.

"This is Bella Mia," I said, my voice sounding sickly sweet and disgusting. I wouldn't be surprised if the caller hung up right away. I sounded way too fake.

"H-hi… this is… Dude."

Dude? _He called back_?

Now I was definitely glad I took the call.

"Dude, I'm so glad you called," I said, earnestly.

"Oh, you are? That's… good?" he replied, chuckling nervously.

"I'm sorry I stepped over the line the last time we spoke, I hope you forgive me," I said quickly, wanting to get it out of the way.

"It's okay. I guess I was just unprepared."

"I won't ask you again, I promise. It was out of line. You can spank me if you want, if that will make you feel better," I teased, testing to see where he drew his line this time.

He chuckled quietly. "I'd like that…"

I smiled. "So tell me, Dude, what can I do for you today?"

"I honestly don't know… I just wanted to hear your voice," he mumbled. "I know it sounds totally pathetic, but there's something sweet and warm about your voice. I don't know…"

When I felt my cheeks flush, I was somewhat confused. Dude wasn't the first person to give me random compliments on the phone, but Dude's confession sounded raw and honest. Nothing like the horny men that panted in my ear, telling me how sexy I was. _As if they even knew_. Dude's compliment was different. _Honest_.

"Is that why you call me instead of a helpline?" I asked and as soon as the question was out, I wanted to bite my tongue. What kind of question was that? Had I crossed the line again?

"I think so," he said, surprising me with his honesty yet again. "The first time I called, it was a coincidence I landed with you… but now… I want you. I tried calling earlier, but you weren't available."

"I don't work full time," I explained.

"Oh, of course you don't," he said, and I imagined him rolling his eyes at himself. "Is it okay if I call again?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see it.

"I'd like that. So tell me, what do you want to talk about?"

I sat back and relaxed, looking forward to the conversation.

He sighed deeply as if he had been to hell and back.

"I've had the worst day…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 4 – "**_**The Worst Day**_**"**

"I'm upsetting my cousin," Dude told me. "He's frustrated with me, but he won't tell me. I think he regrets asking me to come here."

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"Because he sent me an angry text after I screwed up today."

"An angry text? Harsh," I teased.

"You don't understand. My cousin and I've always had a perfect relationship. I worshipped the guy when I grew up. He was so social and outspoken, he made friends with everyone in a room simply by stepping his foot inside. I envied him for that, because people don't like me… not like him, anyway."

"I doubt you're as unlikeable as you make it seem," I argued. "You sound fine to me, why wouldn't people like you?"

"Because I'm… I don't know," he mumbled.

"Maybe you're putting too much focus on the 'getting liked' part; maybe you're forgetting to just be yourself," I suggested.

"I'm just not used to this. I feel like a kid trying to learn how to walk and talk. I have no idea how to behave… I don't know what to do."

He sounded so lost, so defeated.

"Why do you think that is?" I asked, having no idea of how to help him.

"My girlfriend broke up with me not too long ago… we were together forever, and she made every decision for me. She was like my cousin in a way, she was very outgoing and she did all the socializing so I didn't have to… I never had to develop those skills, you know? She always told me to shut up and follow her lead… it was as if she didn't trust me with people."

He was quiet for a moment.

"The name Bella seems to be haunting me," he said, changing the subject abruptly.

"Yeah? Why's that?" I asked confused.

"Today, I was in two different stores, both times the saleswoman's name tag said Bella. I even walked by three different stores with the name Bella in them. I think I even ate at a restaurant today with Bella in it… maybe it's some kind of sign," he mused. I raised an eyebrow at his last comment. What exactly did he mean that he ate at a restaurant with Bella in it? In the name or did he mean something else? God, why was I being so paranoid?

"I don't believe in fate," I admitted.

"You don't?" He sounded disappointed.

"No, my own choices brought me here, and my own choices will bring me wherever I'm going. Fate isn't intervening."

"That's true, I guess."

"You don't seem so bad, Dude," I said honestly.

"Neither do you."

"So why do you think you have such a hard time getting people to like you?" I wanted to know more about him, and to do that I needed to ask him questions that risked him hanging up on me.

"I don't know."

"Maybe you've leaned too much on other people when it comes to making friends," I suggested. "Maybe you need to learn to stand on your own two feet?"

"That's why I'm in Seattle. I need to figure some things out," he said. "But it's not easy, damn it. There's this girl, who just infuriates me to no end, and I have only met her a couple of times. At first, I seriously thought she was the woman of my dreams, she was absolutely perfect. Her beautiful eyes, her full hair… and her figure… shit, her body was perfect in every way… or at least as much as I saw of her. But the best part was that she had long slender fingers… she's an _artist._ I just know it. She has an artist's fingers." The way he spoke about her it was as if she was heaven sent. His voice rose and the words tumbled out in fast speed, as if they couldn't get out fast enough. This girl was something special, alright.

"Why do you say you_ thought_ she was the woman of your dreams?" I asked.

"Because the next time I saw her, she was… I don't know… she didn't behave like a girl is supposed to behave. She was… I can't even describe," he said, and I could almost hear him shake his head.

"There isn't a rulebook on how girls should behave," I argued softly. "Was she mean or something?"

"No, not at all, she just… argued a lot, I guess. I tried making conversation and she just snapped at me," he mumbled, sounding ashamed and hurt like a kicked puppy.

"And you did nothing to provoke her?"

"No?" He made it a question, as if he wasn't sure himself. I entertained the idea of him being Edward again, trying to put the pieces together so I could see the bigger picture. But I couldn't, because it made no sense. If he was Edward, was it possible he wasn't aware of how badly he was behaving? And if he wasn't Edward, maybe the question still applied. This whole situation was giving me a headache.

"If you want to learn to make friends and stop leaning on other people, maybe you should try going out with someone other than your cousin? Without him, you won't have a social crutch, you know what I mean? Maybe you can ask this girl out, not necessarily on a date, but on a friend date, maybe? Ask if she wants to hang out, and say you want to smooth things over… I'm just assuming you guys didn't end on good terms," I said, thinking about how things between me and Edward had ended. If Dude's situation was anything like that, then he definitely had some things to smooth over.

"Yeah, I guess," he said. "But what would we do?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, even though he couldn't see. "Maybe ask if she can show you around Seattle? The Space Needle could be fun checking out."

"Maybe…" he said slowly. "Or maybe _you_ could show me."

His tone was the closest to flirty I had heard in a long time. I swallowed thickly.

"I'm not allowed to date customers," I said. I had almost forgotten he was a customer.

"It wouldn't be a date, you said so yourself."

"It wouldn't be appropriate," I argued.

"I'm not some psycho, I can assure you."

"No, just socially handicapped," I teased, although the joke left a bitter aftertaste.

He sighed.

"We've been talking too long," he said. "I need to get off…"

"I could help you with that," I joked, hoping to smooth things over.

"Very funny," he said dryly.

"It was nice hearing your voice again, Dude," I said softly.

"You too, talk to you soon. Good bye, Bella," he said, his voice doing that cute thing again when he said my name, making my insides curl up and hug themselves.

"Bye."

I stared down at the phone when the line went dead, silently wondering if I had helped him at all. I was such a hypocrite. I wasn't much better than he was. I wasn't a social genius either, I often leaned on my friends for support in awkward social encounters. Why didn't I let Dude do that too? Why wasn't he allowed to do what I already did?

I wished for Dude not to be Edward, because if he was, then he had worse issues than I could ever help him with.

O

I didn't work for a few days, my schedule was busy due to schoolwork. I tried not to think about Dude and Edward and that whole mess. I was working late one night at the school library, happy to leave with the feeling I had gotten most of my work done. At this pace, I could probably enjoy a weekend off and maybe go do something fun with Rose and Alice.

As I walked back to my apartment, I got the weird feeling of being watched. I looked over my shoulder every once in a while, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Of course, there were other people walking too, but none seem to be very interested in me. A man with a dog, a couple with a stroller, an old couple…

I sighed, shaking my head at myself. I was losing it. Maybe I was pushing myself too far with work and studies. My job was easy, but that didn't mean it couldn't add to my stress level without me realizing it.

I reached the front door to my apartment complex, and I was just about to punch in the code when someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned around with a yelp, and by a mere reflex my hand came up and punched my attacker in the face.

"Fuuuuck," my attacker groaned, stepping back with his fingers on his nose.

I put my hands to my mouth in shock.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I said.

He looked up at me, his eyes glaring in anger.

"Way to say hello!" He let his hands down and I was glad to see that his nose wasn't bleeding. I guess I hadn't put too much power behind the punch.

"Sorry! What the hell are you even doing here, sneaking up on me like that? What the hell are you? Some kind of creeper?" My heart was still racing, and I was kind of irritated. Why couldn't he given me some kind of warning before grabbing me like that? Geez!

Edward dragged his hand through his hair, his jaw was tense and he looked away.

"What are you doing here?" I asked again, a little softer this time. Nicer. No need for me to be hostile just because he didn't think things through.

"I was just…" he trailed off, looking down at his feet. "I saw you leave school and I wanted to say hello, and you kept picking up speed…" He shook his head. "Never mind."

He turned to leave, but I stopped him.

"Hey. _Hi_," I said, and he turned his head, meeting my gaze and I smiled. "You could have just called my name, you know. You could've spared your nose."

"Yeah, whatever." He turned away again and started walking away, his shoulders slumping slightly, as he hid his hands in his pockets. I frowned.

"So you didn't want anything?" I called after him. "Just saying hello?"

He didn't answer and I stared in disbelief after his retreating form.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

When I got up to my apartment, I threw my bag on the floor and plopped down on the couch with my phone. I called Rosalie, waiting for her to pick up. She wasn't famous for answering her phone in a timely manner, so I was patient as always.

"Hello?" she said, finally.

"I bet you can't guess who just attacked me outside my apartment!" I blurted.

"What? You okay?" she asked, her voice rising.

"Yeah, I'm fine. He's not, though. I punched him in the face."

"Wow, who was it?"

"Edward!"

Rosalie was quiet for a moment.

"You got to be kidding me," she said, sighing deeply and sounding tired.

"What the hell was he doing here?" I asked.

"Hell if I know," she replied. "He's been hiding in Emmett's spare room for the past couple of days, I've barely seen him. Emmett's seriously afraid he's going to kill himself. Apparently Edward isn't himself at all. I don't want to get involved."

"But do you have any other choice?" I asked. "I mean, he's Emmett's cousin."

"Yeah, so? He's been treating me like crap ever since he got here. He thinks I'm his maid or something, expecting him to do his laundry and get him things. I mean, c'mon! He even rolled his eyes when Emmett suggested I take a look at his Volvo, when it started sounding funny. As if a girl doesn't understand cars. I bet I know more about his precious Volvo than he does."

I bit my lip, knowing it to be true. Rosalie knew more about cars than I did about… I don't even know. She'd basically grown up in a garage and she was awesome at fixing and finding the root of the problem where the professional mechanics failed. I wondered why Rosalie didn't try to make a career out of it.

"Maybe we should take him out or something," I suggested. "Get to know him. If he's acting like a jerk because of his ex, then maybe we can cheer him up and forget all about her if we take him up and just have fun."

"I can think of more fun things to do," she said. "Like pushing bamboo needles under my toenails, or waxing my head."

"You know, Emmett would be ecstatic if you showed some interest and wanting to make things easier for Edward…"

Rosalie groaned, she knew I was right and she hated it. She lived to make Emmett happy, and she knew firsthand how much this situation was bothering him. But was she willing to sacrifice an afternoon and her sanity for him? Yes, yes she was.

"Fine," she muttered. "I'll ask him when he gets back, and we'll make arrangements. Tomorrow's fine for you? Good." She didn't wait for a response and I laughed.

I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow, but at least this would give us the chance to show him that we were good people. If he still acted like a jerk, then he couldn't come to us and whine about being badly treated or that we didn't give him a chance. This was us, giving him a chance. He'd be a fool not to take it.

O

I knocked on the door to Emmett's apartment at four o'clock the next day. Emmett opened the door, grinning from ear to ear.

"Bella!" he said, wrapping me in a hug, before letting me inside. "Edward's getting ready, he'll be right out."

"Great," I said, nodding. "Where's Rose?"

"Oh, she didn't tell you?" he asked, his smile fading.

"Tell me what?" I asked, my voice strained.

"She'd totally forgot she had a class tonight, so she couldn't make it," he explained.

I gaped at him. No freaking way. She bailed on me! As far as I knew, Rosalie didn't take any classes which had lectures scheduled later than three in the afternoon. What the hell.

"Great," I muttered.

Edward came out of his room, putting on his jacket as he walked. He didn't look very happy to see me, but I bet he would've been grouchier if he'd had a black eye or crushed nose. At least his face didn't show any sign of me hitting him yesterday, that's a plus.

"Shall we go?" I asked, with a smile as forced as it was fake.

"Mhm," he mumbled.

"Are there any places you wanna see?"

He shrugged. "I hear the Space Needle can be fun checking out…"

My eyes went wide. Seriously, enough with the coincidences. What were the odds of him using the same damn words I did on the phone? Did he know I was Bella Mia? He did say all those things about being haunted by 'Bella' and now... _god damn it_…

"I know Rosalie isn't coming with us, but this isn't a date, okay?" he clarified.

I nodded dumbly. There was no denying it anymore. I could try, but there was no use. _Edward was Dude_. And now, I had to try finding out if he knew who I was as well, because if he did, that would ruin everything. I didn't want my friends to know about my job, because that meant my dad would eventually find out and he would definitely not approve.

I had to do some damage control or else everything would be over.


	5. Chapter 5

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 5 – "**_**The Non-Date**_**"**

We stood in awkward silence by the bus station. Edward had his hands in his pockets, his back slightly slouched. It was as if he was prepared for me to strike. I felt bad for him, why was he so hostile and defensive all the time? Why did he think he had to be that way?

"So, eh… how are you?" I asked, cringing at how awkward it felt to ask. He stared at his feet, barely glancing at me.

"I'm good," he replied.

I stared at his profile, feeling myself blush. I couldn't believe he was the kind of guy who called sex hotlines. I was glad we never had a real sexual encounter over the phone, otherwise I'd probably have to leave the city. I'd never be able to look him in the eyes again – not that I was able to do that now anyway.

"We don't have to do this," he said quietly. "I mean, you expected Rosalie to come too."

"No, it's good," I replied, forcing a smile. "We don't need Rosalie to have a good time."

He shrugged in response as if he didn't care either way. The bus finally arrived and we stepped on. Edward found a couple of empty seats in the back and I followed him. The bus ride was awful, we never said a word to each other. I couldn't have been happier when we finally reached our destination a while later.

When we stepped off the bus, I noticed a few girls eyeing Edward. I had almost forgotten that Edward was good-looking, since it did nothing to help with his personality and behavior. A good exterior could not save an ugly inside. Although, I was still hoping for Edward to prove me wrong – prove to me that he could be just as nice in person as he was on the phone.

We stood in line for the elevator and he was staring into space as if he was waiting for his execution. What the hell was that about? I sighed. I was starting to lose patience with him.

"Maybe we should do something else," I suggested. "This line could take forever. Why don't we go somewhere else and grab something to eat or something?"

Edward glanced at me.

"You don't want to go up there?"

"I'm not a big fan of heights… or queues," I said. "We'd be here forever. Why don't we do something better with our time? Besides, I haven't eaten since brunch, I could use some food in me." He shifted from one foot to another, indecisively. "My treat," I added with a smile.

He frowned slightly, looking up toward the front of the line, contemplating my offer. Eventually he stepped out of the line and nodded.

"Let's go," was all he said, before he started walking toward the exit. He didn't even wait for me. I sighed, looked up at the sky and wondered: _why me_?

O

Edward looked down at his placemat, opening and closing his mouth a few times. Then he stopped. Then he did it again. He frowned, fiddled with his napkin, tensed his jaw, opened and closed his mouth. What kind of inner battle was he fighting?

"Tell me what's on your mind," I urged him. "I'm a great listener." He looked up at me like a deer caught in the headlights. He took a deep drink from his beer, this seemed to relax him. "You're not very talkative, are you? I guess I can see why Emmett said you were shy," I muttered under my breath.

Edward sighed deeply, dragging his hand through his hair.

"I haven't been on a first date in years. I've actually only been on one first date in my entire life," he rambled quickly, his jaw tensing again when he finished.

"I thought this wasn't a date," I teased, sipping on my wine cooler.

He froze with his beer halfway to his mouth. He met my gaze, and I smiled at him, trying to show him that I wasn't someone to be afraid of. He frowned again.

"I meant this entire situation, I didn't mean we were on a date," he explained, trying to cover his comment up.

"_Okaaay_," I said, dragging the word and trying hard not to roll my eyes. "So what's new with you? What do you do to keep yourself occupied?" I tried to keep my tone light, but I got the feeling my tone wasn't the issue. Edward wasn't going to warm up to me any time soon. For someone who claimed I was his dream girl – he sure was giving me a hard time.

"Nothing, it doesn't concern you," he replied, shrugging with one shoulder.

_That's it_.

"Why are you being so hostile?" I snapped.

"Why are you being such a nosy bitch?"

I gaped at him. Again with his attitude.

"I'm not being a nosy bitch, I'm just trying to make conversation seeing as you're obviously incapable of that," I snapped. I took a few deep drinks from my wine cooler, damning the fact that I hadn't ordered something stronger. How long was this non-date supposed to last? Would it be rude if I cut it short as soon as I had finished my meal? Probably. I had never hated Rosalie more than in that moment. This was what I got for trying to do nice things to people.

Edward looked hurt by my words, his lip quivering in anger just like that time at the other restaurant, before he stormed off.

"I need to go to the bathroom," he said, excusing himself and left.

I sighed for the umpteenth time and finished my wine cooler. As I waited, I ordered in a stronger drink, which I finished in no time, and then I ordered a couple of more.

Edward was taking an awfully long time in the bathroom. Our food had arrived and it was going to go cold if he didn't come back soon. I glanced at my phone, raising an eyebrow when I realized he'd been gone for at least thirty minutes. Did he die in there or did he get explosive diarrhea from the… eh… beer?

Or did he simply bail on me?

I picked up my phone, deciding to call Rosalie. For once, she picked up on the second ring.

"I'm so sorr-"

"You better be," I snarled.

"I guess your date didn't go very well."

"First off, it wasn't a date, and second, why'd you say that?" I asked.

"Because Edward walked in just a few minutes ago, slamming the door behind him to his room."

My mouth feel open.

"He did _what_?" I shrieked.

"He… why?" she asked confused."Where are you?"

"I'm still at the restaurant! He said he was going to the bathroom, but he never came back!"

I heard her high heels against the wooden floor as she stalked through Emmett's apartment. She slammed open a door, and I didn't need to guess which one it was.

"You left Bella at the restaurant? What kind of idiot douche bag are you?" she yelled, and I had to hold the phone away from my ear to keep from becoming hearing impaired. Edward mumbled something in response, which I couldn't make out. "I don't care," Rosalie continued. "You don't leave a girl like that. She didn't even realize you were leaving in the first place. Who the fuck does that?"

I didn't care to hear the rest of their conversation, so I hung up. I paid for our drinks and our untouched meals.

O

I wanted Dude – or Edward, or whoever the hell his nice personality was – to call me. I wanted him to tell me all about what a douche he was. I wanted him to ask for advice, so I could tell him to stick a rusty chainsaw so far up his ass he would taste iron for a week.

I signed in on the line, gritting teeth as I had to endure several disgusting calls as soon as my name was active. I probably made my worst performance yet, judging by the guy that hung up on me when I told him I wasn't wet at all. Shocker.

Two hours and thirteen minutes later the call I'd been waiting for was finally put through.

"This is Bella Mia," I said through clenched teeth.

"Hey… it's Dude." The softness of his voice was ridiculous. I hated him with the passion of a million suns and hells. How dare he sound so soft when talking to 'Bella Mia' when he had left the real Bella alone at the restaurant just a few hours earlier? No wonder his girlfriend broke up with him. Douche.

"Hello, how's your evening?" I asked, amazed at how calm I sounded.

"Are you fine? You sound weird," he said, ignoring my question. Apparently I didn't sound as collected as I thought. Oh well, fuck him.

"Oh, I'm fine, I've just had to endure the company of a horrible man today," I replied honestly, wondering if he was going to take the bait. I doubted he knew I was Bella Mia, why else would he have been acting like he did? He knew nothing about nothing.

"Oh, I'm sorry, wanna talk about it?" he asked, as if he cared.

"No, I'm fine," I said. "How are _you _doing?"

"I think I'm gonna start dating dudes," he said and I almost choked on the air I was breathing.

"Wow, that sounds drastic," I said, somewhat confused. "What brought this new found interest for homosexuality?"

"Girls are complicated." He sighed deeply. "I can't remember it being this difficult with my ex."

"What's difficult?"

"Getting to know someone, to date… to keep up a conversation." He was quiet for a moment. "I went out with this girl today."

"Oh? Tell me more," I said, feeling intrigued of how he would present the date.

"I don't know what's up with me. I went out with her, and she did everything. She kept up conversation, tried asking me questions and did everything right, even offered paying for our meal… and I just got annoyed by it. She's so fucking confident that it frustrates the hell out of me."

I blanched.

"Are you telling me your issue with her is that she's too confident for you?"

"Yes… no… I don't know." He sighed loudly in frustration. "I seem to frustrate the hell out of her too, even though I act the exact same way I'm told girls like. My ex always told me I was too soft and too much of a pussy, I wasn't man enough for her, even though she sometimes said I was perfect… I have no idea where I'm going wrong. Do girls want badasses that ignores them, or caring guys who wants nothing more than to take care of them? I'm confused, and this girl makes me nervous which makes it harder… and I just… maybe I'm not ready to date. Maybe my cousin's wrong."

"Have your cousin been nagging you about getting up in the saddle again?"

"A little…"

"Well, then your cousin's a douche too."

"_Too_?" he echoed in confusion. "Am I a douche?"

"Probably, most men are," I replied, hoping he wouldn't hang up. He didn't. "Anyway," I continued. "It's clear to me that you're not ready to date, since you're too hung up on what the_ girls_ want that you forget that _you're_ supposed to want something as well. Get to know yourself, that's my advice, because I get the feeling you don't know yourself at all, which makes you act all fucked up which infuriates people around you just as much as its probably infuriates you." I breathed deeply, it felt like I had just run a marathon. He was quiet for a long moment before answering.

"You're very insightful," he said eventually. "It feels like you know everything, even though I have barely told you anything… you're amazing, you know that?"

I blushed – and I damned myself for doing so.

"Well, we all have our talents. I'm sure you have some too, even though you're hiding them deep inside… maybe your ex buried them with you."

"I used to play the piano," he admitted. "But then my ex told me guitar-players were hotter, but I never managed to get the hang of it…"

"So you stopped playing piano?"

"Yeah."

"Never change a pivotal part of yourself for a girl ever again, okay? If you're acting like a douche to her, then yes, by all means change everything that needs to change, but if your only fault is that you play the piano, then you have no faults at all."

"You're quite the fortune cookie today. Are you sure you're alright? Something got you riled up, you sound different."

"Just realizing a few things, is all. Maybe I'm giving myself some advice too."

Speaking to Edward as Dude was easy. Easy as freaking breathing. I didn't understand for the life of me why he couldn't act like this in real life too.

"I like talking to you… it's so much easier when you don't have to look at the person," he said, answering my unasked question. I guess I wasn't the only one being insightful today. "And since I've never met you, I feel safe talking to you. What we talk about will stay with you, and if it don't… well, it doesn't matter now, does it? Because you don't know who I am. I don't need to pretend or think about how to act, because it just doesn't matter… know what I mean?"

I guess I got my answer. He felt safe talking to me because he'd never met me. This saddened me for reasons unknown. Edward felt safe over the phone, because the person who could judge him would never meet him. He was safe because he was anonymous. Or at least he thought he was. I wondered if I was getting the privilege to talk to the _real_ Edward – which wasn't the insecure and awkward real life Edward, who didn't know how or why to act a certain way. I felt sorry for him. I hadn't forgiven him for leaving me at the restaurant, but I could move past it. His issues ran deeper than mine. He was so lost and I still wanted to fix him. Help him.

But how would I do that when I couldn't stand the person he was in real life while adoring the guy he was on the phone?


	6. Chapter 6

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 6 – "**_**Baby Steps**_**"**

Avoiding Edward was going to be easy from now on. Rosalie told me that Emmett was done trying to include him in our group after how he'd treated me at our non-date. I welcomed this, because I had no interest in seeing or talking to Edward – other than on the phone. Maybe by not having to be forced together with strangers, Edward could instead take the time to get to know and patch himself up after the number his ex did on him. I wonder what kind of person she was – since Edward appeared to be the victim in their situation. Was it possible that his ex was worse than he was in person? Not possible.

A few days passed after our horrific non-date, and Dude - I was going to keep calling him that, because he sure ain't Edward – called me every day. I signed in on the line even though I wasn't supposed to be working. Eventually, I almost forgot completely where he called when he called me. The fact that we were talking through a sex hotline didn't occur to me anymore. We were just two friends… or something. I honestly didn't know what we were.

I decided to go out and have drinks with Rosalie and Alice, because I needed a break from the hurricane that Dude evoked in me. He could be so funny without even realizing it, making jokes and making me laugh without even trying. Dude was amazing and I rarely thought about him being Edward anymore, because in my head he wasn't. We were simply two strangers talking, no more no less.

"How's your love life?" Alice asked, bringing me out of my reverie. I was twirling my straw around and around in my drink, the ice had started to melt.

"Still non-existent?" Rosalie joked. "You need to get laid."

I shrugged. "I don't have time to look for guys, besides, nobody is taking their time to look for me either. So I got this win/lose or lose/lose situation going on."

"I don't get it," Alice said. "How can you not have time? It's not like you have to study _all _the time, right? We've barely seen you for the past week… where are you hiding?"

I shrugged again.

"If this is about Edward, and if you're avoiding us because of him, and if he thinks he's gonna get away with what he did, then he sure has another thing coming," Rosalie said.

I rolled my eyes. "C'mon, I thought we were over that," I said. "I'm over it, if that's any consolation."

"If anyone did that to me, he'd be nut-less," Alice said.

"Maybe I'm not as overdramatic as you are," I teased with a smile.

"It's not about being overdramatic," she argued. "It's about being treated with respect. Ever since Edward got here, he's been nothing but mean and rude to us. Especially you. What's that about?"

"Maybe he likes Bella, and thinks this is first grade where you tease the one you like," Rosalie suggested.

"Then he's gonna re-think his strategies, now won't he," Alice said. "Anyway, he's burnt his bridges. If he left for Chicago tomorrow, I wouldn't be shedding any tears."

"Me too. I can't stand Emmett moping around the apartment because of this. Edward's being an ass to the only person who wants to help him. Edward doesn't know what's good for him. He has to go back to where he came from and never come back," Rosalie said.

"Hear, hear," Alice replied, raising her glass.

I didn't want to be a part of their I-Hate-Edward parade, so instead I just drank from my glass in silence. I felt bad for him, I really did. He hadn't done anything right since he moved here, and now people wanted nothing more than to get him out of the city. Would he ever be able to salvage what had been broken? I doubted it. Not even if he changed into Dude full time. I tried not to think of what would happen if he did move back to Chicago. He wouldn't be able to call me anymore, since it was a Seattle area hotline. Which meant no more conversations with Dude.

No biggie… _except it was_.

O

"… and then I tripped on my own feet, landing flat on my face in front of her."

"Oh god, what did she do?" I asked.

"She pretended she didn't know me, and kept walking."

"That must have been awkward when you got to the car," I said. "Pretending you don't know your boyfriend simply because he trips in the supermarket… yeah, not the best girlfriend material right there."

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg. When she got her first job she didn't even want to introduce me to her new peers, as if she was ashamed of me."

"That's awful! And you just took it?"

"I loved her, what was I supposed to do? "

"Have some self-respect?"

Dude was telling me about his ex and things she used to do. I asked him about her, and it was like a dam burst and everything just came rushing. I think he needed the mental release. If I thought the girl had been a bitch before, it was nothing compared to now. I didn't understand how he could have stayed with her for so long. It didn't matter that she was his first love; she had basically treated him like dirt since the moment she grew boobs and got rid of her braces, which was when they turned seventeen. I guess a newfound self-esteem for one person can mean the end of someone else's.

"You don't still love her, do you?" I asked.

"No, and honestly… a part of me wonders if I ever did. Maybe I was just afraid of what would happen if I left her. I mean, her friends liked me in high school, and she was all over me whenever they showed any interest in me. But then, whenever we were alone, she was quick to tell me I shouldn't trust her friends and that they were only making fun of me… she was manipulative and told me I wasn't worth the bother, basically."

"Well, if you weren't, why did she date you for five years?"

He sighed deeply. "I don't know, a sick joke maybe?"

"For five years? Doubt it… why did you guys break up anyway?"

"She'd found someone new… but I think they had been together for a while. I figure the guy gave her an ultimatum, because the break up was so sudden."

"So she cheated on you too, that's great," I said ironically. "Is there anything this bitch didn't do to you? No wonder you have the social skills of a teaspoon."

"Hey, don't be like that," he said, sounding hurt. "She wasn't a bitch all the time…"

"Judging from the things you've said, then yes, yes she was."

"How about you? Any ex-skeletons in your wardrobe?"

"Nope, my past is fairly uneventful in that area. There was this guy that drooled all over me in high school, but then some other girl started giving him attention, so he started drooling all over her instead. I guess his feelings were fleeting. I've had a few flings, but nothing lasting. I just… I don't know… maybe I just haven't found the right guy."

"Huh…" was all he said.

"What?"

"I always thought you were a badass with the guys, that you humped and dumped and all that crap," he said.

"Really? Why'd you think that?"

"Because you work on a sex hotline, where I figured only sluts worked."

"Seriously?" I asked incredulously. "That's kind of… rude?"

"I guess," he said. "But we all have our prejudices, right?"

"True. But if that's the case, why did you call a sex hotline for advice?"

"Maybe because I figured another slut could give me advice on my slutty ex or something, I don't know... you of all people should know in what kind of confused state my mind is right now, my actions doesn't make sense."

"Good, so you finally realized that. Have you done your homework by the way? I told you to be nicer to your cousin and try acting a little more civilized to his friends, how's that going?"

"Not at all. He haven't invited me along since I screwed up with his friend."

"Why don't you take the first step then? Ask them if they want to go out or something."

"I can't… they'd turn me down."

"Dude," I said slowly. "Why are you still in Seattle if you don't even have a working relationship with your cousin anymore?"

"You're here."

"I'm the only reason?"

"Yeah."

_Oh god_…

"I've told you, I like you. It's easy talking to you." He paused. "I'd love meeting you sometime… why don't we go out for a coffee or something? Then you can point out to me what I do wrong and what to change."

"Like a social skills tutor? That sounds like fun." Dude didn't answer. I sighed. "You know we can't meet in real life… it's against company policy."

"So this is just work for you? I thought… never mind."

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't very well tell him that our talks meant a lot to me too. If I did, he'd become more persistent about us meeting.

"Maybe we should get off," I suggested weakly.

"If you agreed to meet me, I could help you with that," he said, throwing my own joke back at me. I laughed.

"Funny," I noted.

"But I guess you're right, we've spoken for too long. But talk to you soon. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Same time?"

"Yup."

"Then I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow, take care."

"You too. Be a good boy."

"I'll try."

"Bye."

The line went dead, and I signed off. I looked at the clock and my eyes widened. Two hours? Really? Geez, I just made one hundred and twenty dollars talking to him. I didn't even want to know how much the call had cost him. I wondered if he would eventually stop calling when he realized how much money he was wasting.

I wondered how I would feel when I no longer could enjoy his soothing voice in my ear, and instead have it replaced by an old man grunting.

I didn't want to think about that.

O

Friday night, and there was a party at Emmett's place. A bunch of our friends were there, and most of them seemed to have a really good time. I had spoken to Dude the day before, and he told me about the party. He didn't look forward to it and said he almost considered looking himself in his room. He didn't feel welcome, I said this was the perfect time for him to show everyone that he was different and not the douche he'd made himself out to be.

With the alcohol flowing, the music pumping and people laughing, it was difficult to not have a good time. I talked with a few friends, but my eyes were always searching the crowd for Edward. I hadn't seen him yet.

I went to the kitchen to get another beer when I finally spotted him. He was standing by the fridge, looking inside.

"Hey you," I said, leaning back against the counter next to him. He glanced up at me, his cheeks reddening.

"Hello," he replied, closing the door. "Do you know where the wine is?"

"They usually keep it in that cabinet," I said, pointing.

He muttered a thanks and stepped over to grab the bottle from the cabinet. He grabbed two wine glasses as well.

"Two glasses? One for each hand?" I joked. He looked down at his hands.

"No, the other one is for…" he trailed off, frowning. "I don't think she said her name."

Something stirred in me. What's that? _Who's she_?

"What does she look like?" I asked, just as Lauren walked in.

"Oh, there you are," she said, taking a glass from Edward. I clenched my jaw. Lauren? Really? God, his taste in women really did suck. I took an angry sip of my beer, wondering why I even cared. Edward was a douche, so he and Lauren would make the perfect couple. I was happy for them. I'd even be glad to speak at their wedding.

Or maybe I was getting a little ahead of myself.

Edward poured wine in their glasses and I took a moment to study him. He did look good tonight, in dark jeans and a dark grey unbuttoned shirt, with a t-shirt underneath. When I looked at him like this, when he didn't have that hostile look in his eyes or defensive demeanor, he could very well be Dude. I licked my lips, silently wondering how it would be to taste his.

But as soon as the thought entered my head, I downed my beer as fast as I could. What was it with this obsession with Edward or Dude or whoever the hell he was? Why did I care so much?

Lauren giggled and the faintest smile was visible on Edward's lips. It was freaking beautiful. I grabbed another beer in pure desperation, wondering why I was helping Edward to solve his issues if I wasn't going to gain anything. I was guiding him to become a better human and stop being rude to girls, so why was Lauren the one benefiting from it?

"I just need to go powder my nose," Lauren said, leaning in and kissing Edward on his cheek. He blushed and looked down on the ground. _Dude_. All I could see was Dude. Not Edward. Dude.

"I need to show you something," I said, putting away my bottle and grabbing the wine from his hand, putting it away as well, and pulled him away from the kitchen. He didn't fight back and I tried being as discrete as possible as I moved us toward his bedroom. I was glad it wasn't far from the kitchen, and that most people were in the living room. I didn't want my friends to find out. Why I even cared so much was a mystery, it felt like I had so many secrets from my friends these days, what was another? Did I want to live a secret life? If I did, why did I even bother having friends?

I pulled Edward into his room, closing and locking the door behind us. He looked back at me in confusion.

"What the hell?" he said.

"You're a douche," I said and the innocent look from before was gone. The hostility was back in his eyes in a heartbeat, and I didn't know why it turned me on.

"Excuse me?"

"You bailed on me and you haven't even said you're sorry."

Okay, this wasn't how I planned this to go. Not that I had a plan, but I figured I'd take him to his bedroom and… and what, exactly? Yell at him or jump him? Apparently, yell at him.

"C'mon, we both wanted it to end, I just did what you were too afraid to do," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. Defensive mode, check.

"Really?" I said, raising an eyebrow. The alcohol was buzzing through my veins, and I knew I was moments away from doing something very stupid. "So you took the coward's way out and just ran instead of telling it to my face that you were having a lousy time? What a gentleman you are!"

He said nothing, he just looked away. I noticed a change in him, however, he wasn't as defensive as he used to be. He wasn't as stiff. Was it possible that Bella Mia had made some kind of change in him? I didn't dare to hope.

"I'm gonna be the bigger person and forgive you for being a douche," I said. "Let's start over."

He glanced at me, assessing me with his eyes, probably wondering if I was being serious or yanking his chain. Ever so slowly the defensive look in his eyes faded, and his mini-smile appeared on his lips.

"Okay," he said.

And that's when I pushed him towards his bed.

I was surely going to regret this in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 7 – "**_**Making a Deal**_**"**

I stared down at him, the room was dark. I guess turning on the lights hadn't been on my to-do list when I pulled him in here. I didn't know if Edward had been on my to-do list either, yet, here we were. His hands were gripping my hips, I didn't know if he was doing it to keep me away or pulling me closer. I didn't really care either way, because I was starting to question my sanity. Turned out, I wasn't the only one.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, as if anyone would hear us over the noise outside.

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like you've lost your mind."

The gaze wasn't judging and his voice wasn't either, yet it felt like he was. He was simply pointing something out to me that I already knew. This was crazy. As far as he knew, the last encounter we had was at the restaurant, and me jumping him like this didn't correspond well with how we had left things. I was making a fool out of myself, because my drunken brain thought she saw Dude. The guy she liked talking to, and… and what? She didn't really know him. All she knew was that he was just as insecure as Edward, even though Edward was better at hiding it. God, my drunken brain wasn't helping me right now. Nothing made sense anymore. Yet, here I was, wanting his body for my own pleasure. Maybe it was the sight of Edward and Lauren that just did me in… I was tired of being the girl looking in on other people flirting, maybe that was one of the reasons I took my job to begin with. To be the girl that men called to get off. I was finally a booty call _– literally_.

Maybe he was right, though, I had obviously lost my mind.

I climbed off his lap, noticing that he hadn't gone completely unaffected. His nether regions were tight, and it more or less confirmed my suspicions from earlier – _I wouldn't be disappointed_. He didn't move from his bed, instead he gripped his sheets, staring into space as if he had just encountered something horrific. Did I just traumatize the man? Oh God, good going, Bella.

"I should go," I said awkwardly. I felt oddly sober, even though my brain was buzzing.

I stumbled out of the room, almost knocking into people in my rush to get out.

I wondered why he pushed me away. He told me himself I was the woman of his dreams, right? So why did he leave me at the restaurant? Why wasn't he cooperating in the bedroom? This could have been wonderful. The rational part of me was asking what on earth brought on this sudden need for gratification and confirmation. This wasn't me. This wasn't me _at all_. But there was something about him when he wasn't defensive that just lured me in. I was defenseless against him, even though he wasn't doing anything to disarm me.

I found a bottle of tequila, realizing that drinking it would be a bad idea too.

Since this was a night of bad ideas, why stop now?

I poured myself a few shots, grimacing as the strong liquid made it down my throat.

Edward wasn't the only one in need of getting to know himself again, I obviously did too. I didn't know who I was anymore, because I wasn't the bookworm I was back in high school. Edward had lost himself in a relationship, while I had lost myself in my books and studies in the sleepy town of Forks. Now, with my newfound freedom in Seattle, I could be anyone I wanted.

_But who was that_?

I went over and joined Alice, who was moving to the music by the window. She smiled and gestured me to dance too, but when I didn't move she stopped.

"What's wrong?" she asked, taking a step closer to me so she could hear me over the music.

"Am I… am I revolting? I mean, do you think I'm attractive?" I asked, my words slightly slurred but still okay.

"What? Of course you're attractive, you're hot, damnit. What's this coming from?" she asked, her usual joyous tone colored with concern.

"I don't know… I just… guys don't see me, you know?" I said, shrugging.

She put a hand on her hip, looking at me sternly.

"Seriously? Have you not noticed how Riley has been drooling all over you all night?" she asked, nodding toward the TV-area where Riley stood, talking to Emmett and Rosalie. I raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really," she confirmed.

"Huh."

I glanced at Riley, assessing him. He wasn't bad looking, I suppose. He looked like most guys, nothing special. There was something off about him, though, something about the way he was gesturing when he talked just didn't do it for me. He moved his hands too much. I didn't like it. I sighed and grabbed the glass that Alice was currently drinking from and downed the whole thing. Alice looked at me wide-eyed.

"Seriously! What's gotten into you?" she asked.

"I need to get drunk."

"You're already drunk, maybe you should calm down a little before you end up doing something stupid," she said.

I spotted the head of the familiar bronze-colored hair, moving through the crowd toward the kitchen. Lauren was standing by the archway to the kitchen, waiting for him and lightning up as a damn Christmas tree when she noticed him. My jaw clenched.

Why did I care so much? Edward had done nothing but treating me like crap, but still I felt the need to be near him. Why did I _really_ suggest that Rosalie and I take him out on that stupid outing? Did I really want to make things easier for him… or just be near him? I couldn't stand the guy. He was a chauvinistic pig. I didn't do chauvinistic pigs. Granted, I didn't do anybody right now, but those pigs were at the bottom of my list.

I saw how Lauren whispered something in Edward's ear, leaning back and smiling as if she just told him some secret. Edward didn't smile though, instead he looked up, meeting my gaze across the room.

It was as if everything slowed to a stop. Everything made sense all of a sudden.

I knew Edward wasn't really a pig, he was just acting like it. His insecurity wasn't an excuse, but people make mistakes. It wasn't as if he had killed my dog… not that I had a dog, anyway. I stared into his eyes and I felt naked. I wanted to cover myself up.

Edward looked away and time moved normally again.

_It was as if the moment never happened. _

O

I didn't sign in on the line for a few days, I spent my weekend mostly in bed, feeling sorry for myself. I texted Alice and Rosalie a few times, finding comfort in the fact that they were almost as bad as I was. Alice had spent most of the night in the bathroom after the party.

_Monday, Tuesday_… I did my assignments, went to my lectures, refusing to think about the party and what happened – or didn't happen, as the case may have been.

On Wednesday, I signed in on the line, realizing I couldn't put it off anymore. I needed the money, and maybe if I took a few more shifts I could save up enough to be able to quit in my search for another (granted, not as well paid) job. I couldn't do this anymore, because it wasn't just a kinky secret anymore; my job was making me a liar.

It was a slow night, I only got a few calls, lasting a few minutes each. At this rate, I would barely make thirty bucks tonight. A part of me wanted to sign off and just go to bed already, but another part of me was still waiting.

I didn't want to talk to Dude, yet I was waiting for him to call. I felt conflicted, but I hoped that maybe his voice could help me steer in the right direction.

At ten o'clock, I was about to give up, when he finally called.

"Hey stranger," he said. "Where've you been hiding?"

"Everywhere," I said, trying to keep my voice light although it felt like a lie.

"You got a lot going on?"

"Something like that…" I trailed off. "How you've been? How was the party?"

"It was good," he said, his voice sounding sincere. "I met a girl."

"Oh… someone new?"

"Yeah, she's a friend of a friend of my cousin's, she was at the party too."

"Oh… what happened to your cousin's friend who you claimed you liked so much?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"I'd rather not talk about it..."

"That bad?" My heart sank.

"No, it's just complicated."

"And this new girl…?"

"She's not," he said, sighing deeply. "This other girl is simple and straight forward… she might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but maybe that's what I need right now… a simple relationship."

"Are you sure you need a relationship at all? I thought we agreed you should be single for a while."

"I'm not _marrying_ the girl," he muttered, and I could hear his eye roll.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… sorry," I said, trying to get my grips. Never had a guy had me this flustered, and I didn't understand why I was suddenly coming apart at the seams. What made Edward so special?

"It's okay," he said. "Although, I still wish I could meet you in person."

I ignored his comment and started asking him about everyday things – like, had he thought about his future in Seattle at all and how long he was staying.

"I'll probably go back to Chicago soon," he said. "I have to go back and settle a few things, and even though my relationship with my cousin has gotten a lot better since the party, I think he wants me to leave. His girlfriend can't stand me, and she doesn't beat around the bush about it either. Besides, I can't run from my problems, my life is in Chicago, this is just a vacation."

I was quiet for a moment.

"Maybe you shouldn't call anymore," I said. "It must have gotten pretty expensive by now."

"Money is the least of my problems," he said, chuckling for some reason. "And I like talking to you. Hearing your voice is worth every dollar… and I'm gonna miss it when I'm gone."

"I'm gonna miss you too," I said honestly.

"Maybe if you give me your phone number…"

"I can't."

"Why not? C'mon, is this really just a business transaction to you? Who cares about your stupid company policy?" He sounded aggravated, and I could relate. This would have been much easier if I didn't know he was Edward. "Fine," he said, when I didn't answer him. "Then maybe I shouldn't call anymore, if this is simply a business transaction then why am I even bothering?"

I sighed quietly. "Why _are _you bothering?" I asked, softly.

"Because I like you," he said, without hesitation. "I like talking to you, hearing your voice, your laugh, your everything… I just know we'd be the perfect match in real life. Why do you think I keep calling? C'mon.. Our phone dates are more expensive than if I had taken you to a fancy restaurant. The first few times after our initial conversation, which was a drunken mistake on my part, may have been out of curiosity… there's just something in your voice that speaks to me. It feels like I know your voice. It's familiar and it just… it just fits."

"B-but what about your cousin's friend?" I asked, realizing he wasn't the only one with two personalities. I still felt a difference between Dude and Edward, so he must definitively see and hear a difference between Bella and Bella Mia as well.

"You want the truth?"

"Yes."

"I like her. I do. But after our horrible non-date my cousin made me swear I'll never be near her again. His girlfriend ripped me a new one and threatened to make me childless… that chick scares me, and I don't want to upset my cousin more than I already have."

He sounded sad and I felt my heart ache. Was Emmett and Rosalie the reason why Edward didn't respond to my seducing him? Or whatever the hell I was doing…

"Let's make a deal."

"A deal?" he echoed, sounding confused.

"Take your cousin's friend out in secret. You're both adults, your cousin and his girlfriend doesn't have to know and they can't decide who you see. Court her and be the best man you can ever be for her. If it doesn't work out, I'll give you my phone number and my address, and you can look me up and decide if you still want me."

He paused.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "What if she doesn't want me?"

"Well, then I'll give you my number. But I promise you she will not say no to you. We have a deal?"

"We have a deal."


	8. Chapter 8

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 8 – "**_**Trouble"**_

"… you can understand why this is a problem."

"Yes, but-"

"Your numbers isn't the issue here. They're amazing, and we all know that. But the amount of declined calls have gotten out of hand and you have to get your act together."

"Yes, I know, but-"

"And it doesn't matter what kind of numbers you bring in, if you give the company a bad reputation in the process. It's a competitive market out there, we can't afford this situation right now."

"Yes, I understand that, but-"

"That is all. Keep up the great work, and please consider what we've talked about. Good bye."

The line went dead, and I sighed. I never got a chance to explain, although I doubted she would've listened anyway.

I was in trouble. _A lot of trouble_.

My boss had picked up on my newfound activity on the line. At first, she had been very happy with the burst of activity I brought to the line; she even said she was impressed with how long I managed to keep people on the line. I didn't tell her that it was always the same guy. I didn't know whether or not she knew that already; I didn't know exactly what kind of information she had access to.

While she was indeed happy at first, she soon started giving me warnings. Apparently some callers had complained about Bella Mia, and her lousy attitude and the fact that she sometimes hung up as soon as they said hello. And it was true. If I didn't hear Dude's voice on the other end, I sometimes ended the call just so my line would be free. It was against company policy, I knew that, but I had grown addicted to our calls. I couldn't risk missing him because I was busy talking to some other perv. The company policy stated that we weren't allowed to end a call unless we were being threatened or harassed and stuff like that. We weren't allowed to deny a call just because we felt like it – you could be fired for less.

_Stupid company policy_…

I wondered if my boss suspected anything. Maybe she knew something was going on, since she had on record how many people I had hung up on, while other calls lasted for hours. I mean, that's suspicious, right? A part of me wondered if it was time to give Edward my real phone number – or at least get a new cheap phone with a new number…

This was becoming very complicated, and the fact that Edward had yet to make a move on me in real life didn't really help. It would be easier if he just got things over with, so we could stop playing this game. But then again, why didn't I just tell him?

Maybe because that would scare him off completely. I wanted him to be ready. Or maybe I didn't want him to know my secret at all. I was the epitome of hypocrite. I was manipulating him and playing mind games, and a part of me liked it. Did that make me a psychopath? I enjoyed the control – I had never felt anything like it…

But at the same time, I felt lousy. Dude trusted me while Edward didn't even know me. This was a fucked up game. It needed to stop.

Edward was never at Emmett's apartment anymore when I was there, which I figured wasn't a coincidence. Twice, I had seen him round the corner from the building when I got there, as if he had just left. Were Rosalie and Emmett so inclined on keeping us apart that they even kicked him out of the apartment any time I was coming over? Could they really be that cruel?

I was feeling sorry for Edward, and when I spoke to Dude on the phone – which wasn't as frequently anymore, since he only called every other day – it was clear that his current situation was wearing on him. He wasn't doing very well.

We never spoke about "his cousin's friend" and I never told him to go for it anymore, because it was clear to me that it wasn't that simple. If I wanted to get with him, I needed to help him out. I couldn't wait for him to come to me, because that wasn't going to happen anytime soon, since Edward never got the chance to make a move since he wasn't allowed to see me. And he didn't seem to be the kind of guy who would look me up either. He was way to insecure behind his douchey mask.

Therefore, I had no other choice but to make a plan.

I walked over to Emmett's apartment building, but instead of going upstairs, I walked past the front door and rounded the corner I had seen Edward disappear before. There, I stopped and picked up my phone to call Rosalie. I asked if I could come over and hang out. I knew she'd be at Emmett's, since she rarely spent time at her own place anymore. Since I also knew Emmett was at work, I figured she had nothing better to do at this time of day. She didn't disappoint when she said I could come right over.

But instead of walking back to the apartment, I stood by the corner, hiding and waiting. No less than seven minutes later, a familiar figure rounded the corner. He didn't even glance at me as he passed me. I smirked and pushed away from the wall, following him to his destination. Two blocks later, he disappeared into a small diner, one of those old-fashioned ones with vinyl booths. Through the window, I saw him sit down in a booth in the back. I walked inside. Edward had his back to me, busy studying his menu. I slid into the booth, sitting across from him and he looked up. He looked surprised. I smiled.

"Hello," I said, as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. "Mind if I join you?"

"Eh… what? No, no, not at all," he stammered, completely off his game.

"Thank you." I grabbed a menu from the rack by the ketchup and studied it. "So what is good here?"

"Their barbecue hamburger," he replied, his voice calmer now, wary.

"Awesome."

I was surprising myself by acting so casual, like I did this sort of thing every day. But I wasn't afraid of Edward, not anymore, because I knew I had the upper hand as far as our relationship was concerned. I had more on him than he did on me, which made me safer, which in turn made me braver. Also, I was tired of this game and I just wanted to end it. I wanted to know if Edward could act like Dude in real life too, and by being friendly to him maybe he wouldn't feel as threatened and maybe that would allow him to let his guard down a little. I wanted to know if he was worth the trouble.

And it wasn't like I had anything better to do than to run after a guy that acted like a douche any time I was near him. Maybe I needed to get a real hobby? _Model-trains maybe_… I had way too much free time on my hands.

When Edward made his order, I ordered the same. Edward gave me a look, but didn't say anything. His look wasn't hostile, but it was cautious. He was trying to figure this new situation out.

"Why aren't you with Rosalie?" he asked eventually, as I put my menu back in the rack.

"Should I be?" I asked casually, as if I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Y-yes?" he said, sounding unsure. "I mean… you… Never mind." He shook his head and looked down at the menu that he was still holding. He stared at it so hard it was as if it was the key to his salvation. I had a feeling he wasn't supposed to say he had been kicked out of the apartment because of me. I wasn't supposed to know.

Eventually, he let go of the menu, clasping his hands together and resting it on the table instead. Slowly, he looked up at me. His eyes were dark and I could sense a little hostility there. Had he collected himself enough to be a douche again? I wanted to sigh. Was this going to be another round of pulling teeth? I guess I was about to find out.

"So what's new with you, Eddie?" I asked, trying to joke. He pursed his lips, studying me intently.

"Nothing." His reply was short and cold.

_Yes, pulling teeth indeed._

I stared back at him, and while he scowled, I smiled. I kept my smile in place, provoking him by staring back at him as if nothing bothered me. Eventually, his face started to relax.

"Are you stalking me?" he asked, his voice wary but not cold. He sounded tired. I wondered what was going on in that beautiful head of his.

"No more than usual."

"Should I be worried about you jumping me again?"

I felt my face flush at the unexpected question. I wasn't prepared for that.

"I- eh… no," I replied, trying to contain my composure. He smirked at me, apparently satisfied with the fact that he managed to fluster me. _Douche_.

"Maybe you should give me a warning next time," he continued. "Otherwise I might have to start wearing a rape-whistle."

I glared at him, my smile long gone.

"Well, maybe you should… you know… where a douche warning or something," I spluttered, and he snorted. "Or maybe I should wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm with douchebag'."

"But that would be a lie now, wouldn't it?" he replied, smirking. "Because you're _not_ with douchebag."

"Think you're so clever, do you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Very," he replied just as our food arrived.

I dug into my hamburger, almost groaning at the deliciousness of it. Forgetting all about our banter.

"Oh sweet baby Jesus and all that is holy," I mumbled with my mouth full.

"Delicious, ain't it?" he said, chewing away at his fries.

"How did you even find this place?" I asked, looking up at him.

He shrugged. "I was bound to get to know the area closest to the apartment…"

"Because you get kicked out whenever I come over?" I asked.

He met my gaze, doing a half-shrug.

"Something like that, yes."

"I'm an adult, and so are you. You don't need to stay away from me unless you want to," I said quietly. He seemed to ponder my words for a moment, before opening his mouth to say something – just then my phone rang. I scrambled to pull it out of my purse, seeing Rosalie's name flash on the screen. "Rose," I said, denying the call.

He smiled crookedly.

"You planned this?" he asked, sounding amused.

"What can I say? I don't like when people make the rules to my life without me knowing." I took another bite of my burger, and we ate in silence for a few minutes.

"Wanna do something some time?" he asked softly, almost too quietly for me to hear.

I looked up at him, smiling.

"If I didn't want to do something with you, I wouldn't have followed you."

We looked at each other, and the same feeling from the party washed over me. It was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. It was just him and me. Time stood still. The only thing existing was us. Right there. Right then. Just us.

This was the reason I couldn't get my mind off him. With the physical beauty of Edward, and the inner beauty of Dude... how could I not? Edward (or Dude) was insecure, and I could relate to that on every single level, but I couldn't relate to all the trouble he had been through with his ex. I didn't know much about his life, all I knew was that he was troubled. He needed someone to help him get through it. I could be that person – and not only as a psychologist over the phone.

"Wanna come back to my place when we're done?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I'd love to."


	9. Chapter 9

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 9 – "Slow & Steady"**

I was a slow eater. I wasn't_ usually_ a slow eater, but apparently I was today.

So Edward was going to follow me home after we were done eating? That sounded like a great plan a few minutes ago, but now? Not so much. I tried to remember whether or not I had left dirty underwear on the couch, or whether or not there were dirty dishes with rotting leftovers left in the sink. Maybe I should pull an Edward on his ass and go to the bathroom and then sneak out!

I glanced at the sign for the bathroom, realizing that it wouldn't work. He'd see me leave. The bathroom was in plain sight from our table. But maybe there was a window in there?

_Get a grip, Bella! _

I shook my head at myself, wondering where my newfound bravery had disappeared to. Why did I feel so chicken all of a sudden? I looked up at Edward, noticing him studying me. His gaze was unreadable and that unnerved me. Why did I get the feeling we were on some kind of scale? One moment, it tipped over in my favor, the next, it was tipping over in his favor. It was a game of power and one was always supposed to be winning. Maybe that was what intrigued me… I had no clue what to expect from Edward – other than he was going to be a jerk any time he was insecure or self-conscious. Poor guy.

I ate the last of my fries in a painfully slow pace, and I guess Edward eventually noticed.

"Backing out?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

I snorted in response. "As if."

"Good."

"Are _you_ backing out?"

"Not in the slightest."

He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest, looking all superior. I sipped on my soda, as slow as I could, while giving him a challenging look, daring him to question my speed. He didn't. He just stared at me with a mixture of amusement and something else in his eyes. It was… interesting.

"Are we done?" he asked eventually.

My paper cup made a noise, letting him know that I was drinking air now. There was nothing left. I shrugged, acting indifferent and he just smirked, as if he wasn't buying it.

We collected our things and put on our jackets before leaving the diner. I wondered if I should have been offended that Edward didn't offer to pay for my meal, considering I paid for his drinks and appetizers and the restaurant when he stood me up.

We didn't take the shortest route to my apartment, because that would force us to pass Emmett's apartment building, and I didn't want to risk bumping into anyone we knew. I had a feeling Edward didn't either. It took no time at all to get home, and I cursed myself for not taking an even longer route so I could prepare myself a little more. I unlocked the door, letting us inside. As I took off my jacket, I glanced into the living room, sighing silently in relief when I noticed it looked tidier than usual. I guess cleaning while being bored paid off.

"Want something to drink?" I asked politely, glancing into the kitchen when his back was turned to me. No dirty dishes visible either. _Score_.

"What do you have?"

"Water… cheap wine…"

"Cheap wine will do."

"Take a seat in the living room then," I said, walking into the kitchen to grab the boxed wine that I kept in the fridge. I took two wine glasses from the cabinet before going into the living room where I found Edward studying my bookcase.

"Interesting collection," he noted. "A fan of the classics?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say I'm studying English literature for a reason," I said, putting down the wine and glasses on the table. "I bet your bookcases are full with books about medical procedures and miracles… who's your favorite surgeon? I bet you watch Grey's Anatomy and ER reruns all the time."

He stared at me, his face blank and cold. I probably took my joke a step too far, but it was too late to do anything about that now. Eventually, he turned his eyes back to my shelves. He had a beautiful profile, his nose was straight and his chin and jaw well-defined.

I poured us some wine before handing him a glass as a peace offering; he took it without a glance.

"Actually," he said softly, after sipping on his wine. "My shelves are mostly filled with books on classical music and its history…" His ears reddened slightly, he looked embarrassed.

I smiled genuinely at him.

"I guess I'm not surprised," I said. "I hope you pick up playing the piano again, I'd love to hear you play."

He looked at me surprised – or was it shock?

"H-how did you know I used to play the piano?" he asked, hesitantly.

My smile froze._ Oh_.

"Oh… I… Emmett told me you were a genius on the piano," I said, trying to wave the comment away as if it was nothing. It was true Emmett had told me that, but it was Dude who had told me he had quit playing altogether due to his ex. Damn my brain and my big mouth.

"But he doesn't know I-"

"Why don't we go and sit on the couch?" I suggested, cutting him off with a forced smile.

He gave me a curious look, but didn't question me further. I hadn't realized it would be this easy to refer to something he had said on the phone, I guess I'd have to watch myself.

I poured myself another glass, tempted to down it all in one big gulp, but realizing why that'd be a bad idea. I wouldn't be able to control the words that was destined to tumble out of my mouth if I got too drunk. Why did I ask Edward to follow me home again? Urgh, stupid idea. Stupid. Stupid. _Stupid_.

"So what more do you know about me?" he asked, leaning back on the couch. He turned his body to me and rested his arm on the back of the couch. He was almost touching me.

I stared down at my wine, running my finger around the rim of the glass.

"Not much," I replied. "Other than you're a douche nowadays…"

"So what am I doing here?" he asked, and moved closer to me.

"I don't know," I replied, meeting his gaze. "I have no freaking idea what's going on."

He smiled softly and he looked so vulnerable at that moment. I wondered if either of us knew what was going on. Did _he_ know why he was there? Why did he say yes?

"I… I want to apologize for standing you up," he said, his voice nothing but a murmur as he moved even closer. "I didn't mean to… stuff just happened."

"It's okay," I replied, giving him a half-smile. "It wasn't as if the non-date was going very well anyway. It's not like I can blame you… even though it was probably the douchiest thing you could have done… other than leaving with the waitress or something."

He snorted. "Our waitress was a _waiter_. A _man_," he corrected.

I chuckled. "I guess I would have been a little offended if you left with him then," I joked. "Although, that would explain some things. How do you even remember it was a he?"

He raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical. "Are you joking?" he asked, confusing me. I shook my head. "He started undressing you with his eyes as soon as we stepped inside."

I didn't know what to respond to that. I hadn't noticed anything.

"You serious?" I asked slowly.

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Oh," I said, looking down at my glass again.

We sat in silence for a moment, and soon the light sound of a phone vibrating disturbed us.

Edward pulled his phone out of his pocket, looking at the display. His face hardened instantly; he looked angry. He put the phone away and turned back to me, ignoring whatever happened on his phone. He still looked upset when he looked at me. I gave him a questioning look, but he remained quiet. Soon, the phone vibrated again. And again. And _again_.

With a deep sigh, he picked the phone up and put his glass down on the table.

"Excuse me," he said, standing up and walking away with his phone. "_Hello_?" He answered the phone and disappeared into the kitchen. I strained my ears to hear what he said. Because apparently I had no respect for privacy anymore. I was a bad person.

"… _no. I don't know_," I heard him say. "_What for? … You wanna see me? Why? … What happened to Stefan?"_ He was quiet for a moment, and soon his frustrated voice turned softer. "_Fine… okay… Maybe I'll be back in a week… Mhm…_"

I drank the last of my wine in a few deep drinks, and poured me another glass. I wondered how far off I'd be if I guessed it was his ex on the phone. Was he going back to Chicago now? Edward and I had a thing going on, and now he'd just leave? I knew neither of us knew what the hell was going on between us, but I didn't want our experiment to end just yet.

A minute later, Edward came back into room. A part of me was surprised when he sat back down on the couch. I thought that he'd excuse himself and leave. Or maybe just leave without saying a word. I wondered what kind of hold his ex still had on him… if it was his ex that called that is.

There was this annoying feeling in my stomach, and I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know what that feeling was. Jealousy. God damnit, why did I get involved with Edward? Why couldn't I get him off my mind? There was nothing really appealing about him! Yes, he was as handsome as they come, but his personality needed a serious makeover. But still…

Maybe I was an emotional masochist. Maybe I enjoyed the way he behaved because I liked the abuse.

_Oh dear God, I hope not_.

Maybe I just wanted to have him out of my system. Maybe I just wanted to prove something. What that was, I had no idea. _Maybe I just needed to sleep with him_.

_Was I that drunk already_? Probably, I was a light weight.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. "You look so concentrated."

I licked my lips, tasting the wine. He reacted on the movement, staring at my mouth and looking mesmerized.

"What are we doing?" he whispered, as if asking himself that question.

"I don't know," I replied, just as quietly.

"I didn't come here to drink wine and talk about your books," he said.

"I know."

We shared a look, and for once we were on the same level. The same page. Neither of us was above the other. We were equal, because neither of us knew what we were doing or where we were headed. We were both stumbling in the dark, hoping to find our way somewhere.

"I… I want to kiss you so badly right now," he said, his voice husky. It was as if he was speaking directly to my libido.

I put down my glass on the table, before turning my body to him.

"Was that your ex on the phone?" I whispered. He nodded. "Are you leaving?" He nodded again. "In that case, this won't change anything, got it?" I raised an eyebrow to show him I meant business. He nodded once more.

"Got it," he replied.

I moved to straddle him, and his hands were instantly on my hips. Why did I feel so desperate to be near him? Why was I acting like such a slut all of a sudden? This wasn't me. This wasn't me _at all_, but I still couldn't help myself. I _wanted _this. My body wanted this. I was a grown woman, not an insecure fifteen-year-old. For the first time in my life, I was going to go for the man I wanted and not care about the consequences. He was leaving anyway, so what did it matter?

A small voice in the back of my head warned me, saying this was the wine talking, but I hadn't drunk that much. I knew what I was doing – and I didn't feel bad about it. I still felt completely sober.

I felt his fingers dig into my hips. His grip was manly. Strong. An involuntary moan escaped me when he bucked his hips so I could really feel him between my legs. God damn it, maybe Rose was right. Maybe it had been too long.

Who was I kidding? Of course it had been too long. I hadn't had sex in forever and I had never had sex with anyone who I felt this insanely attracted to. I needed this release more than I thought. I needed someone to touch me. I needed someone else's hands on my body.

I could feel the strain in his jeans, and I wondered how long it had been for him. Had he slept with Lauren? Had he slept with anyone else since he came here? I couldn't wait to see what Edward was carrying – judging from the feel of it, I doubted I'd be disappointed.

I looked down on Edward, his eyes gleaming. He looked nice, calm and content even. He wasn't angry or upset. He was relaxed.

"Your boobs look great," he said, as if he could see them through my top. I smiled down at him.

"Of course they do. They're mine," I joked.

His hands found their way under my top, and before I knew it, he had pulled it off my body. He stared at my bra-covered breasts and with a quick move of his hand behind my back, the bra came loose. My nipples reacted accordingly to the new environment. He licked his lips and I bit mine.

The situation made me feel empowered. I knew what I was doing. I did this for me. _This was not wrong_. It was as if I was trying to convince myself. Maybe I was. I wanted to tell myself we weren't moving too fast. We were two adults doing what adults do.

"God damnit," he mumbled under his breath, cupping my breasts in his hands, playing with my nipples with his thumbs. A shudder ran through my body, making me whimper quietly. God damn _him_. For someone who usually was such a jerk, he sure had a nice touch. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his hands and soon he started unbuttoning my pants. It was time. _Finally_.

I pulled at his shirt, removing it from his body. I wanted to growl – his chest was magnificent. He had a hint of abs, just enough to appear that he worked out, but not obsessively. He was fit, indeed.

I moved on top of him, rubbing against his crotch and his jaw tensed.

I leaned in and rested my forehead against his. Why did this feel so natural? Why did it feel like we've done this a thousand times before? Why did it feel like this was where we were supposed to be for the rest of our lives? This was a fairy tale feeling, and it unnerved me.

Ever so slowly, he tilted his head, our mouths inching closer until our lips couldn't get any closer without actually touching.

"I've wanted this ever since I first laid my eyes on you," he whispered, sounding so vulnerable. Apparently, I wasn't the only one desperate for this to happen.

"So why did you act like such a douche all this time?" I whispered back.

He didn't answer, instead he removed the distance between our lips, finally kissing me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me as close as I could get. My naked breasts pressed against his chest. It felt like electricity sparkling between us as our skin touched. As if we connected somehow. The feeling overwhelmed me like no other.

I thought nothing could ruin this. I thought I was going to get the experience of my dreams. I was going to fly to the moon in pure pleasure.

But then I felt his phone vibrate against my leg again. He stilled, and then his hold on me loosened.

I met his gaze, seeing an unsaid apology in his eyes.

_Damn it_.

"I have to take this," he mumbled, even though his voice betrayed him, making it clear he didn't want to take that call at all. So why did he have to? What could be so important that he was willing to end this?

I moved off his lap, refusing to look at him.

"I'll be right back," he whispered, sounding ashamed. He walked away like a dog with his tail between his legs.

I shook my head, trying not to cry. It felt like he had punched a hole in my stomach when he uttered those words. I reached for my bra, quickly putting it on before pulling my top on as well.

I guess I wasn't going to fly to the moon today.

When he came back into the living room, I threw his shirt at him.

"Bella…" he said softly, but I shook my head.

"Please, just go… this was a bad idea," I said. "It's no big deal." I tried to sound strong and indifferent. Maybe I succeeded, because he disappointed me when he didn't fight me on it. He simply put on his shirt and turned to walk away from me. A minute later, I heard the frontdoor open and close.

_He was gone_.

I reached for the wine, pouring the last drops into my glass. As if wine was the solution. How could something that felt so right suddenly feel all wrong? I sat like that, staring into nothingness, for what felt like an eternity, lost in my own little world and bubble.

"Bella?"

I jumped in surprise, spilling my wine in the process. I quickly turned my head, only to find Edward standing in the doorway. _What? _

"D-didn't you leave?" I asked confused.

"I came back," he replied simply.

He walked over to the couch and I stood up.

"I'm going back to Chicago in a few days," he said. I didn't reply because this was no news to me. "I don't want to leave without finding out what… what _this _is. This is new to me. You make me feel like… I don't even know. I've never felt like this, and I don't even know you. I don't know what to say or what to do or how to act. All I know is that I want you. I want you so bad it hurts. This entire situation is so confusing and I don't know what to do. I know I've acted like an ass, and they're no excuses… but you make me feel so insecure, so on edge… I didn't realize until now that that's a good thing. You make me feel… _good_." He sounded so desperate and the words were rushing out of his mouth so quickly it was as if he had been carrying them around in secret forever. Edward was an enigma.

I swallowed thickly.

"What does that mean?" I asked quietly.

"That I want to come back when I've finished up in Chicago. I want to come back for you, if you let me."

I nodded. "I do."

He smiled softly. "In that case, I'll be back and I can't wait to get to know you. _The real you_. And I want you to get to know the real me, and not the jerk."

He pulled me into a hug and I relaxed instantly.

I closed my eyes, resting my cheek against his chest. I took a deep breath, his scent assaulting my senses in the most amazing way.

"I'd like that too."


	10. Chapter 10

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 10 – "**_**Chicago**_**"**

I looked up at Edward, gazing into his green eyes. There was so much going on between us. Two complete strangers, with nothing but bad encounters in the past, yet here we were. Feeling things that were completely illogical_. I wanted him so bad_. I had never wanted anyone like I wanted him. I wanted to get to know every inch of him, mind and body. I wanted to be his savior. I wanted to help restore his faith in women. _In people_. I could fix him.

If he'd let me.

Ever so slowly, his face inched closer and soon his lips were on mine. They molded together perfectly. I almost hated him for making me feel like this. I felt… completed? As if I had searched for something for so long, and finally found the missing piece. I had been searching without even knowing.

I parted my lips, slowly touching his lips with the tip of my tongue. This was too good.

After a moment, he pulled away.

"I have to go," he said, his voice conflicted.

"Why don't you stay?" I asked, pleading. "You… you can stay with me. _Here_."

He smiled crookedly.

"I have to leave. I have to go back to Chicago, but I promise you I'll be back."

"But you're not leaving yet, are you?"

"No, but I need to get back to Emmett's and book my tickets. The sooner I leave, the sooner I can get back," he said.

"Why do you have to go?"

"I told you, I have some things to deal with."

"You're a very secretive person," I noted.

"I'd call it self-preservation," he said. "I don't know you. I don't know your story. I need to protect myself, otherwise you'll kill me the same way Irina did. It's nothing personal, I just… I need to get to know myself, and find out what I want out of life. In order to do that, I can't divulge everything about myself to you just yet, because I don't even know who I am. Does that make sense?"

I sighed, smiling sadly at the fact that he really did take Bella Mia's advice.

"Yes, it does," I replied. "I understand completely."

"I hope it's okay."

I nodded. "It is, don't worry. Take your time. I probably have a little soul-searching to do myself. Let's… let's take things slow."

"Thank you."

He hugged me again and I closed my eyes as I relished in the feeling.

"I _have_ to go now, though," he said, letting me go. "Can I call you?"

I stepped away from him, almost immediately mourning the loss. I grabbed a piece of paper from the side table, scribbling down my number in sloppy writing.

"Don't let me down again," I said, only half-joking as I handed him the note.

He smiled.

"I promise," he replied. "See you soon."

He kissed my forehead, before heading out again.

This time, he didn't return.

O

I didn't hear from Edward in a couple of days, and while I missed him, I knew it was for the best. I signed in on the line, keeping occupied by working and studying. I resisted the urge to cancel the calls that wasn't Dude, because I had a feeling Dude wouldn't be calling Bella Mia anymore. She'd probably served her purpose.

I was wrong.

Two days after Edward left my apartment, his familiar voice was on the line. I didn't know what to say or how to act. It was all different now.

"Hey stranger," he said, as if nothing was wrong. Why was he calling Bella Mia?

"Hey you," I replied, my voice low. "Long time no see… or talk." I tried to act as naturally as I could, but it was difficult.

"Yeah, it's been an interesting few days… or week?" he said, making it a question. "Wow, we haven't talked in quite a while, have we?"

"No, we haven't."

"Have you missed me?" he teased.

"I… yeah," I said, my voice barely audible. What was he doing?

"I'm going to Chicago," he said, his voice not as light now. "To see my ex."

"Is that a good idea?"

"I think so, yes," he said. "I need to see her, have my closure, as well as arrange a few things with school. I've decided I don't want to become a doctor anymore."

I blanched.

"What? Why?"

"I can't explain it, it's just… I need to do this. I'm soul-searching." He said the last part with a laugh, as if the idea amused him.

"Huh… so why are you calling me?"

"Because I want to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Yeah, for giving me very useful advice. I feel… free now, much thanks to you."

"You're welcome?" I said, making it a question because I didn't know who he was actually thanking. Was it me or Bella Mia who had helped him? Was he just pretending that he didn't know who I was?

"I also want to ask you something…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow. My flight leaves at six. I still want to meet you, so if you want you can meet me at-"

"What about Bella?" I cut him off.

I was met with silence. I couldn't even hear him breath. My heart was racing, feeling like I had run a marathon. I was angry. I was mad. I was sad. I was… I didn't know what I was. Why did he want to see Bella Mia? Wasn't I enough? Was fooling around with other women a part of his soul-searching?

"How do you know about Bella?" he asked, his voice a little colder now, hesitant.

"You've only been talking about her for weeks."

"But I've never said her name."

I swallowed thickly. "You must have, how else would I know it?" I asked, playing the only card I could, making him believe he had slipped.

"I don't believe I have," he argued, sounding confident. "Tell me, how do you know?"

"You told me."

He sighed deeply, sounding frustrated.

"Fine," he said, even though it was clear he didn't believe me. "Will you see me? It's not a date, I just want to meet the person that helped me." His voice was different now, as if he was trying to say something else, as if he was trying to pull something out of me. He sounded neutral, but there was an undertone of something else there too.

"I can't."

"I figured that much, I just thought it was worth a shot."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

We were both quiet for a moment. I got the feeling he was trying to say goodbye to Bella Mia. To cut her out of his life for good. He wasn't going to call her again. She had served her purpose now. Or so it felt anyway. Maybe I overreacted.

"I'm glad I got to know you," he said quietly. "Thank you for all your help."

"You're welcome."

"I won't be calling again."

A lonely tear slipped from my eye, I wiped it away quickly.

"I know."

Even though I knew Edward was still in my life, it hurt to hear him say goodbye. In a way, he was saying goodbye to me. It hurt.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Dude."

The line went silent and I slowly dropped the phone, wondering why I felt so empty inside.

O

Edward texted me when he was waiting for his flight, just saying hi. He texted me when he got off his flight, just saying hi. He was being cute and every now and again, I texted him as well.

_Just got back from school, just wanted to say hi_.

_Just got back from a walk, just wanted to say hi._

_Just woke up, just wanted to say hi_.

Our texts were pointless without any meaningful message, but it was enough for both of us. It served the purpose of letting the other know we were thinking about them, without adding pressure of having to come up with a meaningful response. We had no idea where we were headed, especially not now with him in Chicago so this was the perfect way of trying to stay in touch without any strings attached.

I spent some time with Rosalie and Emmett. I was sad to notice that both of them seemed more relaxed and happy now that Edward was gone. When Rosalie left for class, I stayed behind to talk to Emmett.

"What's up?" I asked him, he shrugged. "So… Edward left."

He smiled crookedly, he hadn't been his usual jubilant self in quite a while.

"Yeah, I guess it was for the best," he said somberly.

"You say that as if he's not returning," I replied.

"Well, why would he?" he asked confused. "I mean, he didn't have the best time here and frankly, he and Rose hated each other. I see no reason why he'd wanna return." He sighed deeply. "I'm kinda relieved he left. I know I'm a douche for saying it, but it's been stressful. Rose has been in the worst mood and lashing out on me because she couldn't get along with him. I hate that they never got along, because he _is_ my favorite cousin. He hasn't been himself since the breakup, and what the hell… what do people expect from him? The bitch ruined him completely. She had been manipulated Edward for years, of course he'd been having some issues adjusting once their relationship ended. It's pissing me off that Rose can't recognize that."

I looked at him in surprise, I had never seen Emmett so riled up before.

"Wow," was all I said.

"I know," he said, sighing again. "I suck. Edward sucks too. He's been acting like a complete douche, and he had no right to let his shit affect other people too. He especially had no right to let it affect my friends… but still, I had hoped my friends would be a little more understanding, since he's the one being unstable right now. He's not in his right mind. He'll have to redeem himself for what he's done eventually, but until then, maybe some support would have been justified, you know?"

I nodded.

"I appreciate that you forgave him though," he continued. "For the things he's done, I mean. The restaurant and stuff."

"No need to thank me. As you said, he's the one unstable, not me."

"You were always wise beyond your years, little one," he joked.

"I learnt from the best, bigger one," I joked in response. "And for what it's worth, I hope Edward comes back so you guys can start over."

"Yeah, but if he does, he can't stay here. Otherwise I might end up killing myself."

I chuckled, but the joke left a bitter aftertaste.

O

Edward had been gone for a week, Christmas was almost at the door now and I wondered if I would get the chance to see him before then. I wondered what I would get him for Christmas. Would it be weird if I gave him something? We weren't a couple, obviously, but we were dating now, weren't we? And people who dated each other gives each other presents, right? I had no idea. I was so confused. I decided not to let obsess over it. If I found something that clearly screamed "Edward", then I'd buy it, but I wasn't actively trying to find something.

I worked less and less hours on the line. I was starting to wondering if it was even worth it anymore. I had saved up enough money to last me a few months without starving, and I could probably make it last even longer if I went all out on coupons or something. It would be enough for me while I searched for a new job, something I wouldn't need to be ashamed of. A job where I could be myself.

I had realized that I would have to tell Edward about Bella Mia eventually, but the longer I could postpone it, the better. I wasn't up for that particular conversation. I had no idea how he would react. But he deserved to know, I couldn't keep this from him. If we walked down the road of seriousness, I would have to tell him before we had gone too far.

It had been a few days since Edward had texted me, so I decided to poke him. I wasn't being clingy or anything… just flirty. At least that was what I was aiming at.

"_Just wanted to say hi_," I texted him.

I put the phone down, smiling and nodding to myself. It was our usual routine, nothing out of the ordinary. It was perfect. I had wanted to put down something more, like, 'I miss you' or something, but that felt a little too soon. Our texting hadn't gotten serious enough to warrant that yet.

I stared at the screen, as if I expected him to drop everything in order to text me back. A minute went by, two, three… fifteen minutes later, when I was zapping through channels on my TV, my phone buzzed. I fumbled as I reached for it and my smile was wide when I saw his name on my screen.

But as I read the text, my smile faltered.

"_Stay the fuck away from me._"

I frowned. What the hell? Was he breaking up whatever it was we had by texting me crap like that? Had he become Doucheward again? Was that the reason he hadn't texted me? I pursed my lips, my jaw tensing. If this had been any other time, I probably would have let it go, but I couldn't. I couldn't just walk away after a text like that. So I did the only thing I could do: I called to confront him. I expected his cold dark voice to answer, but I was greeted with something else entirely.

"Yes?" a woman said, her voice silky smooth, but deadly at the same time.

"This is Bella, is Edward there?" I asked, my voice steady and calm.

"Sorry, he's not available right now. But please feel free to stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, okay?" the woman said, her voice still silky smooth. It was kind of eerie.

"Excuse me?" I said, not able to help the giggle that escaped me. "I'm calling from Seattle Medical Center, it's about his- eh… internship next semester."

I was met with nothing but silence, and I smiled to myself in victory. Who knew I could improvise?

"So why did it say 'Bella' on the caller ID?" she asked eventually. I facepalmed, _damn it_.

"Because I have called him before."

"And why do you guys text each other like, every day?" she continued.

I sighed deeply. "Fine. Just let him know I've called, okay?"

"We'll see about that."

And then she hung up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 11 – "**_**Coming Home**_**"**

I didn't sleep very well the following nights. I kept going over the phone call in my head, over and over. Wondering why Edward hadn't called me, and why some woman had his phone. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out it was Irina. Of course it was. Who else would it have been? I didn't think for a minute that he had gone back to her, there was simply no way, but why did she have his phone? Where was _he_?

I couldn't focus much on school, but I did my best. I did a few sessions for work, hating every minute of it. I had come to realize that it had to come to an end. I had to quit my job. It was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders when I called my boss, telling her she could shove her stupid sex hotline up her ass… or maybe I was a little more polite, using a cleaned up language, not wanting to offend her. Not that it mattered now anyway, it's not like I could (or wanted to) use this job as a merit when looking for other jobs. This was a deep dark secret, and it would remain that way.

Or so I thought.

Christmas was knocking on our door, and soon I would have to decide whether or not I'd go to my dad's for the holidays, or my mom's. I knew it meant a lot to my dad, but I hadn't seen my mom in forever. The curse of being the only child of divorced parents.

There was too much going on in my head; I had no idea how to deal anymore. I was starting to give up on Edward, seeing as I couldn't get a hold on him. Figuring that Rosalie held the answer to most of my worries, I decided to go over to Emmett's place, hoping she could give me some useful advice. I knocked on their door, Emmett opened, being his usual smiley self.

"Bella, what a nice surprise!" he said, stepping aside.

"Is Rose home?" I asked.

"Nah, she's at school all day, preparing for her presentation next week. The last before Christmas. So I'm afraid you're stuck with me," he said.

"It could be worse," I replied with a smile.

"Want anything to drink?"

"Sure."

I went to sit down in the living room, while Emmett went to get us some beverages. When he came back, he plopped down next to me and handed me a bottle of beer. I twisted the cap and took a few deep drinks.

"So, what's up, B?" he asked. I shrugged, not knowing what to say. "Something's up, isn't it?" I nodded. "Tell me."

"I can't," I said, quietly. "It's all a freaking mess."

"Tell me," he said again. "It will all be better if you just let it out."

I knew I had to talk to someone. I needed to get it out. Everything needed to get out, but I wasn't sure I could talk to Emmett. Then again, could I really talk with Rosalie about this? She wouldn't understand what I was doing with Edward, and she wouldn't understand my job. She wouldn't understand _at all_. As I glanced at Emmett, I started to wonder if maybe he would understand. He wasn't one to judge. Never. He was my friend, I could trust him.

Couldn't I?

He was Edward's cousin after all, and he didn't have any issues with him the same was as Rose did. I took a deep breath, deciding to take a leap of faith. I needed to get this off my chest.

"Edward," I said, breathing out the word as if it explained everything.

"Mhm, you guys got it on," he said, no joke or malice in his tone, just confirmation.

"Yeah, we've been hanging out and stuff, and kept in contact since he left for Chicago, but now, I haven't heard from him in a while and when I called him the other day, Irina answered, and now I don't know what to think. Should I just give up? I mean, what is she doing answering his phone anyway?" I asked.

"I'm not surprised," he said, nodding. "But don't get hung up on the Irina thing though."

"Why so?"

"Because I called him yesterday, and Irina answered. I asked where Edward was and she said he was out with his dad on one of their usual trips, and I know Edward never brings his phone or any electrical device on those trips," Emmett explained.

I looked at him baffled.

"Are you serious? That's… God, why didn't he mention it to me before he left?" I sighed loudly, slouching in my seat.

"I don't know," Emmett said, shrugging. "I'm sure Edward had his reasons."

"But that still doesn't explain what Irina was doing with his phone," I said.

"That's easy. Edward left his phone at his place, and Irina still has a key there, so she went there and… well," Emmett trailed off, shrugging again. I looked at him in disbelief.

"Irina told you that?" I asked.

Emmett laughed.

"Hardly, but it's the explanation that made the most sense to me when I came up with it."

"Edward frustrates the hell out of me, and I'm not gonna bother with him until he actually puts some effort into patching things up. He's been getting away with too much," I said.

"Sounds reasonable," Emmett agreed.

I took another drink from my beer, musing over the situation. I had no clue what to do, all I knew was that I didn't want to give up on Edward. There was something between us, and I wanted nothing more than to explore that, but I wasn't going to run after him like a lovesick puppy, I needed him to work for me. I had a feeling it would benefit both of us in the end.

I glanced at Emmett, his face was relaxed as he looked back at me. He smiled softly.

"Can I tell you another secret?" I asked.

"Sure thing," he said.

"Promise you won't tell Rose? This is like a life-altering secret… it's very secret. You can't tell anyone."

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he said, crossing his heart with his finger. "I promise."

I took a deep breath.

"ImetEdwardthroughasexhotline ," I blurted, the words blurring together.

I was expecting shock or at least some kind of surprised reaction from Emmett, but all I got was a raise of his eyebrow.

"Did he call you?" he asked, simply.

"Eh… yes?" I replied, somehow making it a question.

"God, the world is small," he said, laughing again as he took a drink from his beer.

"What?" I said, not understanding the direction of the conversation. Emmett was acting like he already… oh my god, _he knew_! "Did Edward tell you?" I asked, suspicious. "How long have you known?"

"A month or so, maybe," Emmett replied, with a tone suggesting it wasn't a big deal at all. "I saw your policy handbook and a check from your job in your desk drawer when I looked for a notepad. You know, when we had game night at your place?"

"Uh-huh, did you tell anyone?" I asked.

"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "Why would I? Considering you hadn't told us about it, I figured there was a reason you were keeping it a secret, and it wasn't my place to tell anyway."

I nodded slowly. Apparently, Emmett was a way better person than I ever gave him credit for.

"Do you still think Edward won't come back?" I asked, remembering our conversation from before.

"He'll be back. Trust me, if he knows what's good for him, he'll be back," he said, with not an ounce of doubt in his voice.

With a deep drink from my bottle, I decided to believe him, because I didn't know what to do with the alternative.

O

Two days until Christmas. After talking to my dad, I decided to go to him for the holiday. Going to my mom would have been too expensive anyway, especially since I didn't have a job anymore. All I had to do was pack my bags, and I'd be on my way. I would only be staying there for a few days, so I didn't need much. I didn't particularly like going to visit my father, because he wasn't a very talkative man, we rarely had anything to talk about. But this time was different, I needed the change of scenery and a chance to recuperate. I had some school stuff to catch up on as well, and I hoped that I would be able to concentrate better at my father's house, where I had no distractions, compared to my own apartment.

I had already exchanged gifts with my friends, and we'd had our own little Christmas dinner the night before, and everyone was travelling to their families for the holidays. Most of us wouldn't see each other again until January. Alice and Jasper had decided to celebrate the New Year in Las Vegas, while Emmett and Rosalie was still considering going to New York. I had tried not to show I was a little disappointed by these news, since I would be stuck alone in Seattle when the new year hit us. I wished them a merry Christmas and a happy new year, and I felt more alone than ever when I left the party to go home.

With my bags packed, I was ready to go to my dad's house. I looked around the apartment, making the usual check that I hadn't left any lights on or forgotten anything important, and then I left, making sure to lock the door surely behind me.

With heavy steps, I made it to my car and put my bags in the passenger seat.

One last look at the building, and then I was off.


	12. Chapter 12

**Just Call Me Bella**

**Chapter 12 – "**_**Returning**_**"**

December 26th, I hugged my dad goodbye. It was an awkward hug, it always was. It was as if he had forgotten how to touch another human being. I didn't care though. The time spent at my dad's had been awesome. I had caught up with a few friends from high school, and they had done well on making me forget all about Edward. But as soon as I was back in my car, the memories came back in a rush, and the feelings came with it. Edward hadn't called or texted me at all, and I knew for sure that I would have to let the thought of him go. I needed to move on. Maybe Rose knew someone I could go out with or something, just so I could enjoy a casual fling. Or maybe I should get a hobby. Anything to get my mind off Edward. A guy who was becoming less and less worth my time, and less desirable by the minute. I didn't want to fix him anymore, because I had a feeling he was broken beyond repair. He wasn't my damage to fix anymore. I didn't have the energy or care for it.

For each mile closer to Seattle I drove, the more bitter I became. When I finally arrived home, there was no measuring the bitterness. It was rolling off of me in waves. There was no stopping it. I hated him. My first impression of the douche had proven to be correct after all.

I walked up the stairs to my floor, and as I turned the corner to my hallway I stopped mid-step, dropping my bags on the floor in pure shock.

Edward was sitting outside my door, he turned his head at me, smiling crookedly. Looking adorable. Broken. It annoyed me… but it also took the edge of my bitterness off. I was conflicted.

"Hi," he said quietly, slowly standing up.

I didn't answer him, instead I picked up my bags and walked with purpose toward my door. Edward followed me with his eyes, reaching out to touch me when I stopped beside him to unlock the door.

"Please, talk to me," he said.

I gave him a look.

"You've had every chance to talk to me. Just pick up your damn phone and call, but you didn't. So no, you can't talk to me," I said to him, before stepping inside. I put my bags down and was just about to close the door behind me when he put his foot in the way. I narrowed my eyes at him. "What?" I snapped.

"Do you want me to call _you_?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and making it seem he meant something else.

"What are you on about now?" I asked with a tired sigh.

"I'm just asking, who do you want me to call? You or your other personality?" he asked, his voice eerily calm. I felt the blood leave my face.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"You heard me," he said. "So maybe you should let me inside so we can talk, or are you more comfortable talking with Dude?"

I swallowed thickly.

I guess Edward knew too.

O

With Edward waiting in the living room, I got freshened up in the bathroom. My stomach was full of butterflies. A part of me was still angry with him, another part was afraid of him, and then there was still small part, the one I had tried to bury, the one that still wanted him, for reasons I didn't understand. What was it about him that got my insides all up in a bunch? It didn't make any sense. If this had been happening to a friend of mine, say Rose or Alice, I would tell them to just get over the guy and that they weren't worth the waste of energy. But it wasn't about them, it was about me. And I couldn't tell myself to just get over it; especially not when he had turned up at my doorstep, even after finding out about Bella Mia.

Damn it, I would have to go to therapy when all this was over. My mind was overloaded.

Eventually, I went back to Edward in the living room, and he was staring into space, deep in thought. I cleared my throat, and he slowly turned his head to me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"Who told you?" I countered.

"It doesn't matter. _You_ should have told me."

"_Who_ told you?"

He sighed deeply. "Emmett let it slip over the holiday…"

I groaned. "You _got_ to be kidding me!" So much for trusting Emmett.

"Don't worry," he said. "He didn't mean to, and when he realized what he had done, he was devastated. He didn't do anything wrong. Besides, did you ever plan to tell me?"

"Yes, I just didn't know how to, and then when you left and stopped calling me and… I don't know, it just felt like everything was over. I never got to explain anything."

He scoffed softly. "I guess that explains why you didn't want to see me off when I left. When I called Bella Mia that is…" He shook his head. "I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner… it's so obvious now. I guess it didn't occur to me at all…you guys were too different."

"Same goes for you and Dude." I was quiet for a moment before continuing. "Are you mad?"

He sighed deeply, it was as he was carrying the world on his shoulders. I could relate.

"I was at first, but… I don't know, one side of me is relieved, because I really liked that girl, but the other side of me feel betrayed beyond words. You used my confessions against me, who the hell does that?" He looked at me straight in the eyes, and it felt like I was on trial.

I didn't have a defense. Not even close. All he said was true.

"I didn't know how to tell you," I whispered.

"One thing is bugging me though…"

"What?"

"How and when did you find out? I mean, you didn't know all this time, right? You couldn't have."

"I figured it out after a few of our calls, there simply was too many similarities between you and Dude and… I don't know… I should have told you, but it wasn't as if we were on great terms anyway. With you leaving me at the restaurant and everything."

He looked down at his hands, wringing them together.

"You're taking this way better than I thought you would," I admitted.

He looked at me.

"How did you think I would take it?" he asked.

"Kick and scream and tell me I was a bitch or something, I don't know. Since you've been burned before and all that, with women not being honest with you," I said.

He smiled crookedly, looking sad.

"This is nothing like my relationship with Irina. In retrospect, you only used the information you got about me to try to help me… I guess. It could be worse, you know?" he said, shrugging. Although, it was clear he didn't believe his own words. I got the feeling he was just as defeated as I was.

"I don't know what to say," I said. "I'm sorry."

I sat down on the armrest of the couch.

We looked at each other, it was odd having the secret out. My insides were stuck in a tornado. As soon as I thought I had a handle on things, something happened and threw me off kilter.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked, my voice almost nonexistent.

A pained expression flashed through his features.

"I left on a trip, and when I came back, every sign of you was deleted from my phone."

I rolled my eyes. _Of course_.

"I had a nice talk with Irina," I said. "I tried calling you after receiving a not so nice text from you, and she answered."

"What did she say?" he asked.

"Nothing much, just said I had to leave you alone and whatnot…"

"You and I… it's like the universe is telling us not to be together," he said, mostly to himself.

I nodded. "Seems like it." My bottom-lip quivered, and I bit down on it. _Hard_.

He reached for my hand, and the warmth from his skin radiated through my body, making every cell of my body hum. I didn't understand. How could it feel so right when everything about our situation was wrong? We had started off wrong, he was broken, I had lied and deceived him, and yet… here we were, as if we were meant to be. In what reality did that make sense?

"I honestly don't know how to feel about you and Bella Mia and… _your job_, Jesus." He pulled back and hid his face in his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees. "You… you're a hooker on the phone… you're… you have sex with people for money!" He muttered the words, and a tear slipped from my eye. I didn't want to look at my job that way… or my former job, as the case may be.

"I quit," I mumbled.

"You what?"

"I quit. It didn't feel right anymore. Not after everything."

He dropped his hands and looked at me.

"How long did you do it for?"

"A few months. It helped me getting through the semester. I couldn't argue with the pay."

"And yet, you quit."

"As I said, it didn't feel right anymore."

I wiped the tear from my cheek, just as he turned his head to look at me again. He didn't say anything, neither did I. There were so many things that still needed to be said, but neither of us could find the words. We had no idea where to begin.

This was going to be a long night.


End file.
